Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Apple doesn’t think you’re paying enough for their sh*t, Micron and the other chip boys are ripping, and it’s not a great time to be an empowered female exec at JPMorgan Chase.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 37 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS… thanks in advance for doing your part in helping keep TWC like the Fed (think: free and independent) by checking out today’s advertising partner.
iPaid
Nobody:
Windows users today:
Tim Apple is really out here with senioritis that John Ternus is gonna have to clean up…
Yesterday, Apple $AAPL ( ▼ 6.12% ) dropped some yuge price hikes on a whole buncha MacBooks, iPads, and home devices (think: up to $500 difference) outta nowhere.
Apple users are going to be stuck paying 15-25% more on everything from the MacBook Neo to the iPad Pro.
Why? Cause f*ck em the economy, that’s why.
The Think Different Co. blamed “an extraordinary surge in demand for memory and storage” for making all their hardware components more expensive to produce.
Friendly reminder: Timmy Appleseed (boy, that line is gonna make way more sense when John is in charge) already warned us that price hikes were “unavoidable” with data centers sucking up demand for chips.
iPhones, Apple Watches, and AirPods were safe (for now), but most other products saw big jumps, including the Vision Pro up to $3,699, which, does anyone know anyone who actually owns one of those?
Markets weren’t too, too pleased about the news. Shares tumbled over 6% on the day. ICYDK, that’s Apple’s worst day since April of ‘25…
Anyway, all eyes are on September, when John is responsible for rolling out a new $2k foldable phone…
(Allegedly.)
Stop the cycle of CPA-buse
Bad news, guys. I know you think you already have a CPA, but by summer that guy will be long gone. And about as useful as your NFT portfolio. (Too soon?)
Anyone’s CPA call them up lately? Show of hands.
That’s because they’re not building you an actual tax strategy. They just prep your bill each tax season, which, sorta the bare minimum.
And TWC readers deserve better than the bare minimum (spoiler: that’s why you’re here in the first place, for the quality).
This cycle of CPA-buse is exactly why I looked into Gelt for my own tax situationship.
These guys hook you up with a dedicated tax strategist who will bother to reach out to you. Yeah, even in July. They want to help you keep your hard-earned money out of Uncle Sam’s hands.
The big moves you need to make ought to happen right now, not in March. Think: PTE elections, S-corp timing, K-1 cleanup, prior-year retirement contributions, September estimates, etc.
Whether you're a solopreneur, a real estate investor staring at a pile of K-1s, or a business owner who's sick of paying more than you should, you need a real tax strategy.
Oh, and did I mention The Water Coolest readers get 10% off their first year with Gelt? And they're taking on new clients this quarter, but that won't last forever. So maybe don't sit on this one, mmmkay?
🛑 Friendly reminder: our advertising partners help us keep the lights on around here, so do me a solid and check out Gelt.
+ Speaking of chip shortage…
At least someone is loving this supply-side shortage right now. Micron $MU ( ▲ 15.74% ) stonk has been ripping for days as the AI bubble boom has demand through the roof.
First, on Wednesday, MU reported a yuge beat on Q3 earnings. Oh, and it announced that it had locked in 16 long-term agreements for financial commitments of $22B over the next 3-5 years.
Then yesterday, Macron’s Micron’s market cap topped Meta and Tesla. Other chip stonks caught a boost, too (sup, AMD).
+ JPMorgan Chase $JPM ( ▲ 0.5% ) just lost another critical female exec.
Yesterday, Marianne Lake (think: Jamie Dimon’s intended successor) retired out of absolutely f*cking nowhere. No comment yet…
Friendly reminder: COO Jennifer Piepszak was previously a favorite for J-Dawg’s job but withdrew from consideration last year.
Doug Petno and Troy Rohrbaugh, JPM’s new co-presidents, are now the top dogs in the race to replace JD when he steps down in about three years. Just FYI, the “smart money” on Polymarket has Doug in the lead…
+ Fresh, never frozen short squeeze
The regards over in r/wallstreetbets are getting their 2021 on. On Wednesday, the apes went all together strong again and sent Wendy’s $WEN ( ▼ 6.74% ) to the moon (think: share price up 42%) within hours of a single post…
Turns out the bears had built up a pretty large short position in the redheaded fast-food chain, which, fair, considering the share price is down over 70% since 2023…
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> Xbox to raise console prices worldwide by up to $150 — citing global crisis // They know how long we’ve been waiting for GTA VI…
> Supreme Court limits Roundup cancer suits against Bayer’s Monsanto // *Puts on tinfoil hat* Have you guys ever Googled glyphosate and semen?
> Ship Struck in Hormuz as Oil Supertankers Turn Back Again // We were *this* close…
> Anthropic accuses Alibaba of campaign to ‘brazenly’ and ‘illicitly’ rip off its AI capabilities // Alibaba’s CTO be like…
> (Wednesday) Google Poised to Lose Two More Senior AI Staffers to Anthropic // I heard Google has too many employee rules.
> (Tuesday) Meta is building a prediction markets app to rival Polymarket, Kalshi // Drop the “face.” Just “book.” It’s cleaner.
On Tuesday, I asked, “What's the biggest reason you ever stuck with a company (or bailed for another)?”
29.8% of you said, “Money only.” C.R.E.A.M. amirite?
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Money only: “Anyone that says they stayed at a company or took another job for anything other than money is lying.” Who hurt you?
Perks: “Company-sponsored daycare locked me in for 8 years.” Should be standard.
Coworkers: “Literally left because my female coworker became my manager and she was a toxic b*tch." Just checking, did she recently steal a Knicks trash can?
Other (write-in): “Got the girl next to me at work pregnant, pull-out game was always bad. Bad look knocking her up then changing jobs. Still together 20 years later and for my weak pull-out skills, I received a card and a new wok this past father’s day. Its hex-clad shows they care.” You guys, I gotta say… I absolutely love when an answer like this takes me on a journey.
Perks: “I worked at Enron in the late 90’s, hookers and blow in Lou Pai’s office was a legendary perk.” I hope to god this is true.
Other (write-in): “My last company had a full bar in the office. By about 3 pm every day, we'd have cocktails and watch Jeopardy. Really perfected my Tom Collins recipe during that time.” Don Draper, that you?
Here’s today’s question(s)…
First, let’s give a hand to Blackberry $BB ( ▲ 19.95% ) for knocking earnings out of the park yesterday…
Blackberry crushing it was not on my 2026 bingo card. Now I gotta know... What was the peak of handheld tech?
+ US stocks fell off a cliff Tuesday (S&P 500: -1.4%) and kept right at it Wednesday (S&P 500: -0.1%), and Thursday (S&P 500: -0.01%) as Apple and the other big swingin’ tech names fell, despite Micron’s big W.
🟢 (Wednesday) Qualcomm stock pops 15% after chipmaker almost doubles projection for 2029 non-handset revenue // Hot tip: I’m thinking data centers could be a profitable industry.
+ The 10-year yield fell on Tuesday, Wednesday, and (hat trick) Thursday on fears of Fed rate hikes.
+ Oil prices dropped Tuesday and Wednesday but jumped nearly 2% Thursday as a cargo ship got hit in the Strait…
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s still a 78% chance the Fed keeps rates steady in July. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
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