Shots fired. Zuckerbot just roasted the Apple Vision Pro in an Instagram video. And if you’re trying to win me over, Zuck… it’s working.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 12 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “tumbled on Tuesday, falling from recent highs as investors digested a hotter-than-expected January inflation report that showed prices cooling slower than forecasts anticipated.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “surged on Tuesday after January inflation data came in stronger than expected." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “settled higher on Tuesday as geopolitical tensions continued in the Middle East and eastern Europe, but gains were curtailed as investors reined in expectations for the U.S. Federal Reserve interest rate cuts.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “reacted badly to the January Consumer Price Index (CPI) print, which exceeded expectations.” (Cointelegraph)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -0.1% 2) Arm -19.6% 3) Visa +0.2%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Need proof that God isn’t real? Shares of Robinhood jumped 10.5% after reporting a surprise profit for the quarter. People don’t forget, Vlad.

– Shopify took a major L yesterday despite a top and bottom-line beat. Shares fell 13.4% after the Canadian tech giant gave mixed guidance.

+ Vizio mooned 24.6% on news that Walmart was close to acquiring it for ~$2B.

Inflation is the gift that keeps on giving…

CPI data dropped yesterday… and like that “rash” you had in college, inflation just won’t go away.

The consumer price index rose 0.3% month over month and 3.1% on a 12-month basis. Which is a real f*cking problem considering economists had been looking for 0.2% and 2.9%. Apparently, they don’t teach sandbagging at Ivy League universities…

Ok, well at least core CPI was in decent shape, right?

You might want to sit down. Core CPI, which excludes food and energy prices, jumped 0.4% and 3.9% for the month and year, respectively. Survey says… that was way above expectations, too.

So who’s to blame? Shelter.

Housing, which makes up 1/3 of the CPI weighting, jumped 0.6% month over month and 6% on an annual basis. Food prices were higher too.

Stocks got their d*ck kicked in. Obviously. The Dow had its worst day in nearly a year.

Why should I care? It seems pretty unlikely that the Fed will cut interest rates at its May meeting at this point. Remember when markets were pricing in a March cut (lol)? Friendly reminder, stocks that are of the growth variety tend to do poorly in a higher interest rate environment. Another friendly reminder… everything is made up and the points don’t matter right now.

+ 3 multimillion-dollar homes teetering on edge of California cliff after landslide, footage shows (Read)

+ 4 red flags for an IRS tax audit — and how to avoid the ‘audit lottery,’ according to tax pros (Read)

~ ICYMI... The salary negotiation trick that works ‘time and time again,’ according to an ex-Goldman Sachs recruiter (Read)

+ What’s that? You had a bad day at work? Well, I guarantee it wasn’t as bad as some poor b*stard in investor relations at Lyft…

The company released earnings after the close yesterday… and shares rose 60% almost immediately. Why? Lyft (+15.8% after hours) expects yuge margin growth. Uber Jr.’s press release indicated that its profit margin would expand by 500 basis points (or 5%) in the year of our lord 2024. Spoiler: that’s really, really good.

So that was a f*cking lie…

Just one problem: Lyft actually meant to write 50 basis points in its release. I love the smell of investor lawsuits in the AM. The stock gave back a huge chunk of its gainz after Lyft’s CFO cleared up the typo. Lyft was up ~16% later in the extended session.

To be fair, Lyft did have a pretty good quarter, beating on the top and bottom lines. Plus, its gross booking estimate for Q1 came in above the Street’s expectations.

+ “Ok, but have you considered forced child labor to reduce costs?” - the first year McKinsey consultant to Hasbro management

The only way Hasbro (-1.3%) could be down worse is if it released a special edition ISIS Nerf gun. It reported an earnings miss of epic proportions. Revenue fell 20%. And it doesn’t expect things to get much better in 2024. The top line is expected to shrink by double digits again. (Read)

+ "Thank you for your service, Taylor.” - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell

As expected, the Super Bowl did numbers. 123.4M people tuned in, making it the second most-watched broadcast in US history. The moon landing (or “moon landing” depending on who you ask) did an estimated 150M views. Imagine getting someone to the moon, but not being able to accurately measure TV viewership. *Puts on tinfoil hat* *hits blunt* Really makes you think, man… (Read)

+ It’s not exactly surprising that ESPN (Disney +1.0%) decided to overpay to renew the rights to the College Football Playoff, considering its recent streaming announcements (see: standalone ESPN app and bundle with Fox and Warner Bros. Discovery). The 6-year deal will cost the Worldwide Leader $7.6B… none of which will go to athletes. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Friendly reminder, fellas… it’s Valentine’s Day. Go get her flowers. Thank me later.

+ Cisco, Sony, Kraft Heinz, Twilio, and QuantumScape report

+ Hedge fund 13Fs start dropping

+ We’ll get the January retail sales report

My prediction of tomorrow’s TWC headlines, today…

~ Crystal ballin’… “Michael Burry returns to Twitter for victory lap” (timeline: next few days)

Here’s today’s question…

Hear me out. Going out to dinner on Valentine’s Day is a rookie move. So…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional