Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… the G20 is currently deliberating your fate, Iran tried to FA again, so now we gotta make em FO again, and Eli Lilly went shopping for more meds.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 49 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS… thanks in advance for doing your part in helping keep TWC like the Fed (think: free and independent) by checking out today’s advertising partner.
Illuminaughty
Nothing to see here, just the top dawgs of the global economy meeting on a mountain with the press locked out…
The G20 just kicked off in Asheville, NC, yesterday, hosted by Scotty Buybacks Sanctions himself.
New this year: Big name CEOs were invited for the first time in the history of the thing, which should really help kick off the unhinged quote machine…
*checks to see if Jamie Dimon is attending* …yes.
So are DJ D-Sol, Eli Lilly’s $LLY ( ▼ 1.52% ) Dave Ricks, and more B-listers.
Meanwhile, not in attendance: reporters from the NYT, WSJ, Bloomberg, and The Water Coolest…
Scotty Bessent opened the games by lighting the ceremonial torch with this banger:
“I feel like an emergency room doctor, and the economy is the patient, and the American people were backed over by the Biden Mack truck.” Everyone felt that.
Anyway, Monday’s agenda included “executive time,” a “cultural event,” a concert (Kid Rock, that you?), and an “optional late-night social event…”
So…
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+ Ah sh*t, here we go again…
Oil jumped 3% and cleared $90 yesterday after the big brains in Tehran and the Pentagon traded airstrikes for the first time in a month…
ICYMI, US forces dropped bombs on Iran’s Larak Island after observing that Iran was gearing up to start yeeting mines into the Strait.
Friendly reminder: Donny Demolition already said the Strait was cleared of all mines, which, guess it is now.
Anyway, Iran fired back at US troops in Jordan, so cue gas prices going brrrr.
Good news for that one friend who says it’s a thyroid problem…
Eli Lilly $LLY ( ▼ 1.52% ) is picking up Merida Biosciences for a cool $2.8B in straight cash, homie.
Apparently, they’ve been cooking up some drug for thyroid autoimmune diseases.
Makes sense when you realize Temu Novo Nordisk is so fat with stacks that they’ve spent more on acquisitions in 2026 than ever before, which is what happens when the body positivity movement gives up.
+ Trust me, bro
OpenAI just blew everyone’s nips off after announcing its ad business hit $1B ARR. For those of you keeping score at home, it’s only been 200 days since @sama rolled out Chat ads…
Per Scam Altman (read: sus), all ads are clearly labeled, don’t influence answers, and advertisers can’t see your private parts conversations.
Uh huh.
Still, it’s gonna take a whole lot more than that to justify its pre-IPO $852B valuation…
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> Strategy Buys Bitcoin for First Time Since June // “I’m back.” -MJ MS
> (Sunday) Aon Nears Roughly $17 Billion Deal for Insurance Brokerage USI // Big money moves.
> (Sunday) OpenAI to cut off AI models for SpaceX-owned Cursor, escalating feud with Musk // Measuring d*cks again.
> (Saturday) Apple implements price hikes for its TV streaming service and ‘One’ subscription bundle // Oh, will they be producing good shows now? (*Severance stans explode*)
> (Friday) Treasury yields tread water ahead of Warsh’s Jackson Hole speech // No sh*t.
On Friday, I asked, “Will Nvidia stonk ever go down?”
55% of you said, “Yes.” Where’s your optimism?
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Yes: “Nvidia has made multi-millionaires that some might be just a millionaire when it goes down.” Cry me a river.
No: “‘Stonk go brrrrr.’ - TWC 8/28/26” Great source.
Yes: “I’m sure it will eventually, and like always, I’ll be left holding the bag.” You personally? Probably.
No: “I will ride that one stock into the glory.” Diamond hands.
Other (write-in): “It will continue to go up until the day our AI overlords it helped create decide the stock market no longer exists. Helluva way to go out if you ask me.” We all gotta go somehow.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Would you ever buy something from a ChatGPT ad in a chat?
+ US stocks fell Friday (S&P 500: -0.3%) as semis slid on the week despite Nvidia’s post-earnings pop, then dropped again Monday (S&P 500: -0.3%) after the US struck Iran for the first time in weeks, lifting oil and September rate-hike bets, though all three indexes still booked solid gains for August. Two red days, but one green a** month.
+ The 10-year yield climbed Friday after Warsh’s Jackson Hole remarks put a hike back on the table, then rose again Monday to its highest since January 2025 as the Iran conflict flared.
+ Oil fell Friday on Fed worries and Hormuz-deal rumors, then settled up more than 2.5% Monday as renewed US-Iran military action revived supply fears in the war’s sixth month. Who made money on Polymarket?
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 7% chance Uncle Sam confirms that aliens are real this year. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing….
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