Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?

Welp, it looks like we’re getting an American Psycho reboot… because apparently, nothing is sacred.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 21 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “closed mixed on Tuesday after a pullback from all-time highs, with retail earnings on tap to occupy investors counting down to a crucial inflation report.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “ticked higher Tuesday after a large drop in durable goods orders and decline in consumer confidence raised some questions about the stability of the economy. The moves were muted as investors awaited a key inflation report later in the week." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “rose more than $1 a barrel on Tuesday as sources said OPEC+ is considering extending voluntary oil output cuts into the second quarter to provide additional support.” (Reuters)

+ On Tuesday, Bitcoin topped “$57,000 for the first time since November 2021.” (Coindesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) SoundHound AI +19.3% 2) Nvidia -0.4% 3) C3.ai +4.1%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Hims & Hers Health doesn’t appear to have any issue getting it up… unlike its clients. Shares of the DTC b*ner pill distributor ripped 31.0% after reporting a big beat and promising its first annual profit in 2024.

+ Beyond Meat rocketed 73.5% after hours thanks to... well, I’m not entirely sure why. BYND had another pretty, pretty mediocre quarter (that’s being generous). But management indicated that it was ready to commit to a “steep reduction in operating costs and cash use.” Spoiler: layoffs.

+ Cava shares jumped 12.2% following earnings Monday night. Just one problem… it wasn’t supposed to drop earnings until Tuesday. Its report leaked to the press, which forced Cava to be a bit premature with its official release. Nothing to be embarrassed about. We’ve all been there.

Apple’s self-driving car project just did its best Paul Walker impression…

According to reports (so, the people that got fired), Apple (+0.8%) is killing its Special Projects Group, which was responsible for delivering Tim Apple a Tesla-killer.

Of course, the writing was on the wall…

Despite the project getting off the ground a decade ago, there has been very little news about the SPG’s progress. Well, besides car manufacturers going all “thanks but no thanks” to the opportunity to manufacture an Apple Car.

Plus, the recent downturn in EV demand probably made the decision to pull the plug a little easier.

But, hey, at least we got Apple CarPlay… which detects my Bluetooth like 7 out of 10 times.

What now?

The secretive group reportedly employed thousands of employees who literally couldn’t have a worse resume for the current job market if they tried (see: big tech and EV/autonomous driving experience).

Some employees are expected to move to other divisions, like AI. A lucky few might even get to work in the group that decides which underwhelming updates will be featured in the new iPhone.

Why should I care? The move is pretty unlikely to move the needle for Apple’s stock… since the market probably baked this move in a long time ago. But it’s definitely a bit concerning that Apple is throwing in the towel on its biggest and most bad*ss innovation since the iPhone.

It’s also a friendly reminder of just how hard it is to build an EV car company. Just ask any electric carmaker that SPAC’ed in 2020/2021…

+ How Much Money You Need To Retire In Every State In America (Read)

+ I rent out a duplex for $3,000 a month with $240,000 left on the mortgage and a 3.5% interest rate. It’s a hassle. Should I sell? (Read)

+ More than half of aspiring homeowners say they earn too little to buy a house. Here’s the salary you need to afford a typical U.S. home. (Read)

~ ICYMI... Is It Ever OK to Have an 8 a.m. Meeting? (Read)

+ Ok, hear me out… maybe fewer parades and fireworks extravaganzas and more digital ads?

Sure, Macy’s (+3.3%) managed to beat the Street’s (low) expectations on the top and bottom lines. But that doesn’t mean it had a good quarter. Sales fell 1.7% at Macy’s flagship stores and 1.5% at Bloomingdale’s.

Yet the stock rose ~3% on the day. Why? Because the retailer is blowing up its retail footprint and starting over. It said it’s closing 150 of its 350 Macy’s stores (RIP malls).

But it plans to open new, smaller Macy’s stores in strip malls (think: TJ Maxx but less sad), and revamp its remaining 200 or so stores. The company will also open additional Bloomingdale’s and Blue Mercury stores to capitalize on the luxury and makeup markets.

Why should I care? The company might actually think it’s going to defy the odds and come out the other side of its montage transition as the greatest brick-and-mortar of all time…

Or, its new vision could be part of a plan to fend off activist investor Arkhouse, which kicked off a proxy fight last week after Macy’s rebuffed its acquisition offer.

+ The good news? It looks like lawmakers and the White House are close on a deal to avoid a government shutdown. The bad news? The deal is another short-term fix (read: putting some Flex-Seal on the issue rather than getting a budget together).

And the worst news? There’s another looming deadline next week. Buckle up, f*ckleheads... (Read)

+ Warner Bros. Discovery (+1.7%) just reminded Paramount (+1.4%) about its bottom-feeder status in the streamer league tables. After months of kicking the tires on a potential acquisition, WBD hit PARA with “and for that reason, I’m out.”

Luckily for Paramount, which, for the record, is trading near its 52-week low, there are still some suitors. Like Skydance and Byron Allen. Oh, and Comcast would reportedly still consider collabing on a bundle that includes Peacock and Paramount+. So it’s got that going for it… (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Salesforce, Royal Bank of Canada, Baidu, HP, Snowflake, and C3.ai report. C3.ai has “AI” in its name. Need I say more?

+ Apple holds its annual meeting

Yesterday I asked, “Are we going to stand for ‘dynamic pricing’ at fast-food joints?”

No surprise, here. ‘Hell no’ dominated with 80.9% of the vote.

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

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This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional