TOGETHER WITH

Here’s what’s on the docket today… Astronomer’s CEO is out, CaaStle’s founder charged with fraud, and Block joins the S&P 500. But first...

In the July 21, 2018 edition of The Water Coolest, we covered Tilray’s (remember them?) IPO. It became the first devil’s lettuce producer to IPO in the US, not long after Canada legalized it.

And you might recall that before crypto, AI, and meme stocks… we had weed stocks (Tilray opened the floodgates). After popping more than 30% on its first day of trading, shares of TLRY skyrocketed through the summer and into the fall. To put things in perspective, IPO shares were priced at $17. By October, they were trading just below $150.

On Friday, the stock closed around 60 cents. The company (and industry) is dealing with a nightmare blunt rotation that includes oversupply, brutal margins, and little to no movement on the legalization front.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 23 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who uses the CashApp (instead of Venmo). If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something.

PPS, did someone with great taste (who knows you prefer the CashApp) forward this to you? Subscribe here.

Today in f*cking around and finding out…

Astronomer’s horn dog CEO (Andy Byron) was “stepped down” from his role on Saturday, after arguably the most open and shut case in the history of HR investigations.

Even though it takes two to tango, Chief People Officer Kristin Cabot remains on administrative leave. And they say chivalry is dead…

The board had this to say: “Come on, man… do this sh*t at the Four Seasons like the rest of us” “Before this week, we were known as a pioneer in the DataOps space, helping data teams power everything from modern analytics to production AI.”

The board’s decision wasn’t exactly surprising…

After all, they have a fiduciary duty to ensure that leadership doesn’t make questionable decisions… like being a fan of Coldplay.

Plus, they have shareholder value to protect. In May, Astronomer raised $93M from a handful of big swingin’ VCs. Think: Bain Ventures and Salesforce Ventures.

ICYMI…

In case you’ve been busy completing mandatory sexual harassment training over the past few days, the world put their differences aside for nearly 72 hours, thanks to two married (not to each other) execs treating a Coldplay concert like the first few minutes of a Br*zzers film.

On Wednesday evening, Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and Chief People Officer Kristin Cabot were caught on the kiss cam at a Coldplay concert grinding like a couple of teens about to go do some over-the-pants stuff under the bleachers.

What happened next will live in the annals of internet history…

Upon being caught red-handed, Kristin turned around in shock. And Andy ducked out like a divorced dad dodging child support payments (which is something he oughta get used to…). Meanwhile, Coldplay lead singer dropped this banger: “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.” Perfect. No notes.

There’s a modern-day gold rush happening. But instead of gold, it’s cobalt, nickel, and other metals powering EVs, drones, and anything else with a lithium-ion battery.

Formation Metals Inc. (ticker: FOMO... yes, really) is positioning itself as the plug-and-play solution to America’s battery metal addiction. While the rest of the world’s supply chains are tangled in geopolitics and questionable labor practices, Formation’s got boots on the ground in North America.

Here’s why you might want to pay attention to FOMO:

Ready to check out the future of domestic electrification?

Ad disclaimer below*

+ Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is more thankful to those heavy-petting horn dogs over at Astronomer than Christine Hunsicker…

The founder and CEO of Clothing-as-a-Service (… and for that reason I am out) startup CaaStle got hit with criminal charges related to an alleged $300M fraud on Friday.

She stands accused of getting her Elizabeth Holmes on (minus the deep voice and turtlenecks). She lied to backers and potential investors about the company’s financials. Exhibit A: in 2023, Christine claimed the company made $66.3M on revenue of $439.9M. Turns out it actually lost $81M on revenue of $15.7M.

She also did some other shady sh*t like forging the signature of a director to raise $20M. You know, day one stuff for most of the Forbes 30 Under 30…

Apparently, the Feds have never heard of faking it til you make it.

+ This is what the S&P 500 has come to? Allowing the maker of the CashApp to be recognized as one of the most important companies in the world? *throws up in mouth a little bit*

That’s right, Block $XYZ ( ▲ 1.45% ) got called up to the big leagues. The company whose CEO looks like Rasputin’s great-great-grandson got the nod after Hess dropped out of SPY (spoiler: Chevron’s acquisition of Hess finally closed). Block beat out Applovin $APP ( ▲ 0.15% ) and Robinhood $HOOD ( ▼ 0.11% ), which are both in the on-deck circle.

+ “F*ck yo couch code.” - Rick James Zuck (I think we can all agree, this video is an excellent way to start your Monday)

Just me, or is Zuck getting less insufferable by the day? Meta $META ( ▼ 2.33% ) told the EU that it wouldn’t sign its “artificial intelligence code of practice.” The code is the blood oath the EU is asking AI players to sign, confirming they’ll follow the bloc's transparency and safety framework outlined in its broad AI Act.

Meta pointed out it’s a clusterf*ck that will cause all kinds of legal headaches. Meanwhile, some bootlicking US companies had no problem falling in line. Looking at you, OpenAI.

+ Things you don’t want to hear as a biopharma investor: the drug that makes up more than half the company’s revenue is killing people. Sarepta’s $SRPT ( ▼ 1.7% ) muscular dystrophy drug Elevidys has reportedly killed at least two patients, and the FDA requested that it stop all shipments.

Oh, so Sarepta stopped slinging it, right?

Nope. The company said it plans to continue shipments, which, in case you were wondering, is as unusual as it is unethical. But, thanks to all the red tape it could take months for the FDA to intervene, which is kinda terrifying, tbh.

Unsurprisingly, shares got put in a body bag (too soon?).

+ I think I speak for the human race when I say, “stop trusting us, University of Michigan.” Stop polling us (for politics and Family Feud). And definitely stop asking us what we think about the economy. Most of us don’t deserve an opinion on who wins Love Island, let alone inflation…

July consumer sentiment popped, hitting its highest level since February. And the average American’s expectations on inflation fell to pre-Liberation Day levels.

+ US stocks “were little changed on Friday as the market largely shrugged off tariff tensions amid fresh data that signaled the economy remains on solid footing.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “moved lower on Friday as investors digested this week’s economic data and ongoing tariff-related news.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “futures were little changed on Friday on mixed U.S. economic and tariff news and worries about oil supplies following the European Union’s latest sanctions against Russia for its war in Ukraine.” (Reuters)

+ The “smart” money thinks there’s a 24% chance ChatGPT-5 will be released before July 31. (Polymarket)

⏪ On Friday…

+ Amex, Charles Schwab, 3M, Schlumberger, Ally, and Truist Financial Corp reported before the bell

+ The University of Michigan consumer sentiment survey for July dropped

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Verizon and Domino’s report before the bell

+ NXP Semiconductors reports after hours

Friday, I asked, “Is it ever a good idea to date someone at work?”

55.0% of you said “NO. Never.“

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

Here’s today’s question…

Ok, last one…

Oh, and one more thing…

Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.

*Advertiser Disclaimer

This content was produced on behalf of Formation Metals Inc. (FOMO) and sponsored by the company. The influencer was compensated $1,000 by Research Stock Digest to create this content. This is not financial advice, and viewers are encouraged to consult a financial professional before making investment decisions. Investing in companies involves significant risks, and past performance does not guarantee future results. Please do your own research.