TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Don’t freak out, but… if I don’t know you’re real, you may be removed from the TWC list.
The only way I can tell you’re real is if you click the link below (if you haven’t already done so over the past few days)…
Now, here’s what’s on the agenda today…
Quarterly results are on the chopping block, the US and China reached a TikTok deal (allegedly), and Elon is so f*cking back.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 19 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who never doubted Tesla/Elon. If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something.
PPS, did someone with great taste forward this to you? Subscribe here.
PPPS, begin mentally preparing yourself… no newsletter this coming Thursday, Friday, Monday, or Tuesday.
I live my life a quarterly report at a time
“I don’t have friends. I got family.”
F*ck quarterly reporting, all my homies hate quarterly reporting…
Donny Politics’ approval rating among finance and accounting professionals at publicly traded companies is about to be off the charts. The President floated the idea of moving to semi-annual reporting for publicly traded companies. In case you’re new around here, the current cadence is quarterly.
This isn’t the first time #47 floated the idea. He also had the Shortseller Enrichment Commission double-click on the idea when he was #45. But, as is tradition in DC, nothing ever came of it.
So why is POTUS revisiting the idea now?
Well, according to a TRUTH post, he believes the change could save money (for both the SEC and companies) and would allow companies to focus on the long term vs. optimizing for quarterly results. Ok, fair.
The move wouldn’t actually be all that unprecedented. Across the pond, in both the UK and the EU, companies are only legally obligated to report 2x per year. And earlier this year, Norway’s massive sovereign wealth fund was like “Hei folkens, hvorfor går vi ikke over til halvårsrapportering?”
Of course…
The haters will say, “bUt WhAt ABoUT TrAnSParEncY?!” Some will even try to tell you that US stonks have quarterly reporting to thank for at least some of their success (read: how many trillion-dollar companies are there in Europe?). Silly me, I always just assumed it was because they were superior companies…
Ultimately, the decision is in the hands of the SEC, which can simply vote to change reporting.
WTF does it mean for us?
If the SEC does pull the trigger, we could find ourselves in a world where we’re only able to gamble on the outcome of a publicly traded company’s results vs. Wall Street’s estimates 2x per year. Nightmare fuel.
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+ Oh, my God! Okay, it's happening! Everybody, stay calm.
When Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent isn’t trying to KO heads of government agencies, he’s negotiating the “sale” of TikTok to a US company. According to Secretary Bessent, there is a framework of a deal for TikTok to be controlled by a US company. President Trump and Xi will chat on Friday to hash out the final details.
WTF does it mean for us?
According to Scotty Deals, the “framework” involves two private parties. One is ByteDance… obviously. The other, which is presumably a US company, is unknown. But it’s probably safe to assume that whichever company becomes TikTok’s US chaperone is about to go parabolic.
The leader in the clubhouse appears to be Oracle, but don’t underestimate the amount of f*ckery that goes on in DC.
+ Jesus Christ, that’s Jason Bourne Sundar Pichai…
Imagine earlier this year thinking Google $GOOG ( ▲ 4.3% ) would be the next $3T company. Friendly reminder: it was staring down the barrel of two of the biggest antitrust cases of the 21st century and navigating the disruption of its money printer (think: cannibalizing search with AI overviews). But, alas, here we are. Alphabet officially joined the $3T club, alongside Apple, Nvidia, and Microsoft.
+ Pour one out for the ‘I bought this before Elon went crazy’ crowd…
Tesla $TSLA ( ▲ 3.56% ) is up 85% from Liberation Day (April 2025), and the EV maker’s stock is now positive on the year after jumping 3.5% on the day.
It’s only fitting that the man directly responsible for a sizable chunk of the year’s losses (see: moonlighting as the First Buddy) helped the stock return to the promised land. On Monday, a new filing indicated that Elon is bullish af (technically, it said he bought $1B worth of Tesla stock via his family foundation).
Oh, and more good news for Elon: it appears even the Vicar of Christ on earth can’t derail Tesla’s bull case. Over the weekend, the Pope threw some major shade at Elon’s potential trillion-dollar payday.
+ Every day we stray farther from God. Yesterday, Spotify $SPOT ( ▲ 0.96% ) announced that it will allow the lowly ad-supported, free loaders users to pick and play any song just like paying customers. Now, what incentive will they have to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and work hard, so their kids don’t have to rely on shuffling songs?
+ US stocks “touched new highs on Monday as US-China trade talks unfolded in Madrid and investors awaited a pivotal Federal Reserve meeting later this week.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “edged lower Monday, extending recent declines, after the Empire State Manufacturing Index came in far below what Wall Street economists had expected and traders looked ahead to the Federal Reserve enacting an interest rate cut later this week.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled higher Monday as investors assessed the impact of Ukrainian drone attacks on Russian refineries and of U.S. President Donald Trump pressing NATO nations to halt Russian oil purchases.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 47% chance the Supreme Court upholds Trump’s tariffs. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Dave & Buster's reported after the close
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Workday will host its financial analyst day
+ Ralph Lauren Corporation will host an investor meeting
+ The US Census Bureau will drop the July Retail Sales report
Yesterday, I asked, “Would you rather get $10M instantly OR be the best in the world at any one skill?”
68.5% of you picked “Straight cash, homie.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Straight cash, homie: “I'll work on perfecting some TBD skill with all my new found spare time.”
Straight cash, homie: “You gotta do what makes the wife happy. ”
Straight cash, homie: “Too old to cash in on a skill, I'll take the momney and run!”
One skill (you better tell me what it is): “Best golfer, comedian, stock picker, etc. would all eventually dwarf $10m regardless of starting capital required...”
One skill (you better tell me what it is): “The best AI Engineer and rake in the cash that Zuck is/was throwing at those guys? Yes please.”
Here’s today’s question…
Last Friday, I asked if you’d rather have free Uber Rides or free Uber Eats for life. Eats won easily. But someone said something interesting: “I would probably move to New York where I can get the best food all the time.” Got me thinking…
What's the best overall food city in the US?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.