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Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… jobs are growing on jobbies, Polymarket has absolutely zero scruples (duh), and Lucid wants to wake up from this nightmare.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 27 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Great Friday
Giphy
The Bureau of Labor Statistics out here putting the “Good” in Good Friday…
The US economy added 178k jobs in March. That’s more than triple the 60k that a select group of classically trained economists predicted. All in favor of revoking their PhDs?
The unemployment rate also dipped, to 4.3% from 4.4% in February.
But instead of markets ripping, the Son of God had to go and die for our sins (read: markets were closed).
To be fair, it wasn’t all good news. February’s jobs report was downgraded bigly. Turns out the US economy actually lost 133k jobs, not 92k.
Oh, and most of the smartest guys in the room were quick to point out that March’s big swingin numbers might have been a fluke. Think: a rebound following healthcare strikes and brutal winter weather in February.
WTF does it all mean?
The report isn’t great if you were still hoping for a rate cut in the year of our lord 2026. At this point, pretty much no one is expecting J-Poww and Co. to lower the federal funds rate. In fact, there’s lots of chatter about hikes among the Polymarket crowd…
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+ Polymarket, facing scrutiny from every direction: “We should probably lay low for a while.”
Also Polymarket:
Spoiler: the “this” is whether a US pilot would be rescued after being shot down over Iran.
Polymarket continues to play stupid games (stupid prizes loading). The prediction market was taking action on when a downed US fighter pilot might be rescued from Iran.
The company shut down the market after indicating it “slipped through the cracks.” A Massachusetts Senator claims Polymarket only took action after he called them out.
But have no fear, war mongers. You can still get your Dick Cheney (RIP in peace) on. There are more than 200 active predictions in the ‘war’ category.
Oh, and good news, they found that American hero. And the rescue is going to make for an incredible movie.
+ Look on the bright side, Lucid, it could be worse… you could be Nikola…
To the surprise of literally no one, Lucid $LCID ( ▲ 4.18% ) pulled a Tesla and missed its Q1 production and delivery numbers. But credit where it’s due… dropping a miss on a day the market is closed is *chef’s kiss*.
Now Lucid doesn’t make excuses, but if they did… they’d definitely point to a pause in sales and complete a recall following some supplier issues.
And can we all agree Tim Cook needs to get out his checkbook and buy Lucid so we can finally get the Apple Car, right?
+ I mean, it can’t be worse than Copilot…
Elon just reinvented the IPO… by adding a dash of blackmail. Know all those banks that are thirsting after a piece of that $2T SpaceX IPO? Well, it turns out our former VP is requiring banks and advisors working on the deal to buy subscriptions to Grok if they want to be involved.
Apparently, some banks are down to spend 8 figures per year to integrate Grok into their IT systems in order to get in on the space deal.
You need a side hustle.
How do I know? Because everyone needs one. Never forget: your full-time job doesn't care about you.
You may be dedicated to your work, but it can leave you high and dry at any moment.
Your side hustle(s) will always be there for you.
> Apple’s fitness chief who joked to employees about sleeping with Olympic skier retires (NY Post) // But was the joke funny though?
> Anthropic says Claude Code subscribers will need to pay extra for OpenClaw usage (TechCrunch) // It’s about to get a lot more expensive for your robot to use its robot…
> Microsoft to invest $10 billion in Japan for AI and cyber defence expansion (Investing.com) // Did not have to scroll far to find SoftBank’s name in here.
> Someone just made a d*mn mint…
On Friday, I asked, “How much would NASA have to pay you to go on the Artemis II mission? Rules: The more you ask for, the less likely you get chosen...”
30% of you said, “There is no amount. I would never go on that rocket.” Your 8-year-old self would be ashamed of what you’ve become…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Nothing. I’d go to space for free: “No downside really. Epic trip start to finish if all goes well. And burning up on reentry, while not ideal, would be a legendary way to go out.” Yes. It’s about legacy.
7+ figures. I don’t really wanna go: “I get anxiety on airplanes… you’d have to project Hail Mary me to get me on a rocket.” That’s why they make V*lium, bro.
Just a livable wage. I really want to go: “I got way too excited and watched wayyy too much of the launch coverage to pretend I wouldn't go for free. Plus this is legitimate NASA mission and not a lame Bezos/Katy Perry sub-orbital sing-along. I'm gonna go watch The Right Stuff now." Imagine going to space and you just sit there staring at a flower with dead eyes…
Other (write-in): “Wild people think space is real.” I’ll smoke whatever she’s smoking.
There is no amount. I would never go on that rocket: “The pioneer spirit will be left with my ancestors- I'll watch how this and future missions go from Earth.” The shame they must be feeling…
There is no amount. I would never go on that rocket: “Unreliable sh*ter? 10 days of gorilla fingers in my space suit? Hard pass.” Gorilla fingers. I… wow.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Who ya got tonight? Note: your vote determines if you get TWC tomorrow (I am a UConn alum).
⏪ On Friday…
+ The U.S. stock market and bond market was closed for observance of the Good Friday holiday
+ The March jobs report was released
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Not much going on today
Oh, and one more thing…
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Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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