Yuge thanks to everyone who responded to TWC yesterday. If you haven’t yet, would really appreciate if you do me a solid...

It’s come to my attention that some precious TWC emails have been going to spam… or worse… the “Promotions” tab.

The best way to make sure The Water Coolest hits your inbox every day is by responding to one of my emails. It tells email providers that we’re friends (it’s cool because we are).

So here’s what I need you to do…

That’s right, just three little letters. Reply with “TWC." And hit send.

I appreciate the help more than you know.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 23 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “slumped on Thursday as oil hit its highest price in six months and a key Federal Reserve official floated a warning that interest rate cuts might not come in 2024.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+The 10-year Treasury yield “dipped on Thursday as investors closely monitored speeches from a host of Federal Reserve officials and awaited the release of March nonfarm payrolls on Friday.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled higher Thursday, as the threat of potential supply disruptions continue to dominate investor attention as geopolitical tensions in the Middle East flare amid fears an Iran retaliatory strikes against Israel could be imminent. ” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “is on the way back up after a rough start to the month—with less than two weeks until the anticipated halving.” (Decrypt)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Trump Media & Technology Group -5.4% 2) Nvidia -3.4% 3) Reddit -2.5%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Allurion be like hear me out… “AI-powered weight loss.” Shares of the biotech that inexplicably plays in the two hottest sectors in the game right now soared 78.0% on news that it was launching its digital health suite aimed at combatting obesity in the US market.

– Annnd it’s gone. Just a day after shares of Paramount jumped on news of a potential acquisition of National Amusements (majority shareholder of Paramount) by Skydance Media, PARA fell 8.5%. Why? Well it probably had something to do with details emerging that Paramount would need to raise new equity (aka dilute current shareholders).

+ Sportsman’s Warehouse (think: Men’s Wearhouse for camouflage) soared 21.0% after a Q4 earnings report that the Street loved more than the sea urchin ceviche at Dorsia.

Salesforce is punching air right now…

Rumor has it that Google (-2.8%) is interested in buying HubSpot (+4.9%). The CRM software maker is valued at roughly $30B, which would make this Google’s largest acquisition of all time.

And now is the part where I remind you that Google hasn’t made an official offer and could very well pull out of discussions after testing the waters.

Actually, that might be the smart move…

There’s a reason big tech has been hesitant to pull the trigger on buying up smaller “competitors” for the past few years. The FTC and DOJ have made it damn near impossible to get a deal done, most often citing “anticompetitive practices.” Oh, I’m sorry, I thought this was America…

And given the precarious position Alphabet currently finds itself in, the juice might not be worth the squeeze (and by “squeeze” I mean inheriting a software maker that still bleeds cash).

Friendly reminder: Google is currently engaged in a landmark legal battle with the US government over its search engine dominance.

Of course, if it can pull it off…

Just for a second let’s pretend Google could bribe convince government officials to sign off on a deal to buy HubSpot.

Not only would Google be able to unlock new revenue streams via a girthier CRM business that could better compete with the Salesforces and Microsofts of the world. But HubSpot's roster of business clients is the stuff of Sundar’s wet dreams. The CRM’s business clients could give a big boost to Google’s slowing ad biz.

Plus, maybe, just maybe, Google’s Gemini team could score a much-needed win by integrating more AI features into HubSpot’s core product (… but probably not).

+ Here’s the retirement savings that put you with the richest 10% of Americans — it's much less than you think (Read)

+ Ditch these 10 common crutch phrases, says Stanford expert—they ‘undermine our competence and intelligence’ (Read)

+ Some of the Best Credit Cards for Balance Transfers Right Now (Read)

+ 7 in 10 U.S. adults surveyed are stressed about money, CNBC finds. Here’s how you can feel financially secure (Read)

BTW, some of these include affiliate partnerships.

+ Today in things you hate to hear a Fed President say…

During a LinkedIn live broadcast, the Minneapolis Fed President dropped this bomb: “If we continue to see inflation moving sideways, then that would make me question whether we needed to do those rate cuts at all.” Oof.

He went on to call January and February’s inflation readings “a little bit concerning.” Come get your mans, J-Poww…

Unsurprisingly, the hot take was not well received by investors. The three major US indices all fell by more than 1%.

+ “Sucks to suck, Elon.” - Jim Farley, Ford’s CEO (and Chris Farley’s cousin)

Ford (-3.2%) said it’s delaying the rollout of a handful of new EVs, which makes sense given that demand for electric vehicles has fallen off a cliff.

A new 3-row SUV, for the family that loves the environment and hates birth control, will be delayed from 2025 to 2027. And an all-electric pickup, built for the guy who has to haul hay at 4 but has Pilates at 5, will launch in 2026 instead of 2025.

+ Disney: *spends $40M on proxy war*

Disney the next day: *starts cracking down on Disney+ password sharing*

Disney (-1.5%) said it will begin enforcing its password-sharing policy in June in a handful of countries. And will roll out the changes worldwide by September… which means there’s still plenty of time to illegally download the Eras Tour movie.

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ There’s only one thing that matters: the March jobs report

Here’s today’s question…

ICYMI above…

It’s come to my attention that some precious TWC emails have been going to spam… or worse… the “Promotions” tab.

The best way to make sure The Water Coolest hits your inbox every day is by responding to an email. It tells email providers that we’re friends (it’s cool because we are).

So here’s what I need you to do.

That’s right, just three little letters.

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.