Here’s what we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 23 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

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+ US stocks “fell on Thursday after a sharply lower-than-expected reading on US GDP for the first quarter ratcheted up questions about the health of the US economy.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose on Thursday after the first-quarter GDP report showed slowing growth and rising consumer prices." (CNBC)

+ Oil was “steady on Thursday as concern about fuel demand after slower-than-expected U.S. economic growth was offset by worries of supply disruptions as Israel stepped up airstrikes on Gaza's Rafah.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “slipped below $64,000 Thursday morning, with over $209 million in crypto long positions liquidated as the market slumped overnight.” (Decrypt)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Microsoft -2.4%, +4.4% after hours 2) Nvidia +3.7% 3) Meta -10.5%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Name something more anxiety-inducing than being a Snap shareholder on earnings day over the past two years. I’ll wait. Snap mooned 24.5% on news of a big beat. It probably helped that management said it finally figured out changes in the digital ad biz.

– Intel did what it does best: disappoint investors. The chipmaker managed to beat on the top and bottom lines but shared a disappointing Q2 outlook. The stonk fell 7.7% after hours.

+ Anglo American jumped 17.4% on news that BHP made a takeover bid. The ~$39B deal would create the world’s largest copper miner.

Luckily for investors, Google is better at being profitable than it is at generating historically accurate AI images…

Alphabet’s (-1.9%, +11.4% after hours) shares pumped on news that the company that stole Google+ from us beat on the top and bottom lines.

And it was a team effort (well, except for those employees who did a sit-in, got fired, and were publicly shamed by CEO Sundar Pichai). YouTube and Google’s Cloud biz beat expectations.

But that wasn’t the only thing that had investors fully bricked up…

Alphabet copied Zuck’s homework… and didn’t even change any of the answers…

Sundar and Co. announced Google’s first-ever dividend.

Investors holding the stock on June 10th will earn a 20-cent per-share dividend on June 17th. And income investors just went from six to midnight.

Friendly reminder: Meta stockholders applauded the platform announcing its first-ever dividend earlier this year.

And just in case that didn’t do it for investors, Google announced an additional $70B in buybacks.

+ You might want to take a seat…

I’ve got some bad news… and I’ve got some worse news. The bad news? GDP grew by just 1.6% in Q1… which was well below economists’ estimates of 2.4% (see: math). That’s the slowest growth in nearly two years…

And, turns out, you’re (yes, you) to blame. Consumer spending rose by 2.5%… below the Street’s 3% estimates. Keep in mind that consumer spending accounts for nearly 2/3 of GDP.

“How is that not the ‘worse’ news, Tyler?!”

Because inflation was also worse than expected in the quarter. The personal consumption expenditures (PCE) price index rose at a 3.4% annual pace. That was the biggest gain in a year and well above Q4’s 1.8% jump.

And because there are no days off… March PCE data drops today. Buckle up for safety.

+ Imagine looking at Reddit (trading below its IPO price) and thinking, “You know what the market needs right now… another tech IPO…”

That didn’t stop Rubrik, the unprofitable data management platform, from pulling the trigger on an IPO yesterday, though. Shares began trading Wednesday above its IPO price… which was already at the high end of its range.

Rubrik, which is backed by Microsoft, climbed throughout the day, closing up 17%. To be fair, Reddit jumped nearly 50% on its first day of trading…

+ The vultures who made money buying Hertz stock after it filed for bankruptcy are circling again…

Hertz (-19.3%) got put in a body bag after reporting earnings. Shares tumbled nearly 20% after a miss of epic proportions. We’re talking about a loss of $392M vs. $147M expected.

So wtf happened? Hertz’s EV bet went about as well as JPMorgan’s acquisition of Frank. The rental car giant decided to rid itself of another 10k EVs as interest continues to wane. Spoiler: there’s a $195M charge linked to taking that fleet offline.

+ Get used to this headline for the next 364 days or so: “Bytedance exploring scenarios for selling TikTok without algorithm.”

Just hours after The Information reported that TikTok would unload the apps’ US assets (sans algorithm), Bytedance denied the rumors.

+ This job perk is like a ‘cash bonus’ — but you need a long-term strategy, experts say (Read)

+ Self-made millionaire who retired at 35: The first time I felt financially secure, I was ‘living small’ and spending ‘a lot less’ (Read)

+ What is an assumable mortgage and is it right for you? (Read)

Yesterday, earnings reports from CAT, Microsoft, Google, Intel, Snap, and Hertz were on our radar. Here’s how they did…

+ Zuck’s gotta be punching air right now. Microsoft’s earnings mirrored Meta’s: They both shared top and bottom line beats… plus a disappointing Q2 outlook. But MSFT climbed 4.5%… while Meta got rekt.

+ Things you hate to see: CAT reported weak sales and expects the trend to continue in Q2.

+ Check out Snap, Intel, Google & Hertz above…

Here's what we’re keeping an eye on today...

+ Exxon and Chevron report this AM

+ The core PCE price index report drops. Prepare to be disappointed.

+ U of M consumer sentiment index released

Yesterday I asked… Just me, or has Chipotle gotten significantly worse in the past ~2 years?

58.1% of you agree… Chipotle is a shadow of its former self.

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional