TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… OpenAI might want to go back to being a non-profit, Michael Dell is a legend, and Harvard is just like us (bad at investing).
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 31 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
First loser advantage
Just me, or does it feel like game 4 of the 2004 ALCS and OpenAI is the Yankees?
The last time Sam Altman was this worried, his sorry a** was about to get ousted via an internal coup for like 36 hours. @Sama just went full Homeland Security terror advisory system…
Bring me back…
According to an internal memo, our AI overlord escalated OpenAI’s competitor threat level to “code red” and is pushing for improvements in ChatGPT.
Despite playing nice on X with (most of) the other AI boys, it looks like Sam’s not too comfortable with Google $GOOG ( ▲ 1.16% ) and Anthropic (sucks to suck, Perplexity) nipping at ChatGPT’s heels.
Google’s latest model, Gemini 3, is widely recognized as the current GOAT and is putting up numbers: 650M monthly users, plus the 2B monthly users forced to see Gemini’s AI overviews at the top of every d*mn search result against their will. Live look at Gemini watching me Google “Sydney Sweeney in that one dress” for the 3rd time this week…
ChatGPT is still atop the league tables with 800M weekly users, but the lead ain’t exactly Nvidia vs. Intel. Thus… “Code Red.”
Sam’s memo said that OpenAI will pull back on its investments in health, shopping, and advertising.
Instead, increased efforts will focus on improving the chatbot's quality through personalization features, increasing speed and reliability, and expanding the range of questions.
And, hopefully, a greater focus on the key consumer use case: AI erotica.
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Get back to leading, not juggling.
+ Looks like Billie Eilish’s timeless wisdom got through to at least one billionaire…
Michael and Susan Dell are pledging $6.25B to contribute to those newborn “Trump accounts.” And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you become more popular than Bluey among Gen Alpha…
The angel investment will fund $250 for 25M accounts, specifically for kids under 10 years old and born before 2025 (friendly reminder: kids born between 2025-2028 will receive $1k seed money directly from Donny Economy).
And before you ask, the extra Dell funds will only cover kids in ZIP codes with a median income under $150k. If you have to Google your zip code’s median income, you probably qualify…
Meanwhile… every childless adult is like “ok, now to the tariffs stimmy checks.”
+ Boeing’s money printer is back on autopilot.
Boeing $BA ( ▲ 0.01% ) CFO Jay Malave dropped some (finally) positive news. Jay expects 737 and 787 jet deliveries to increase in 2026, with positive free cash flow expected in the “low single digits”… presumably thanks to savings realized by slashing quality control. Shares popped 10% on the news.
+ Somewhere (probably Little Saint James) Larry Summers has a sh*t eating grin on his face…
His former employer (Harvard University) bought at the top. You see, the Ivy League school is sitting on nearly half a billion dollars worth of bitcoin, according to its latest financial reporting. Just one problem: it bought most of it last quarter. You might recall that Bitcoin is down nearly 25% from its ATH in October.
> Anthropic taps IPO lawyers as it races OpenAI to go public (FT) What’s above code red?
> Google tests merging AI Overviews with AI Mode (TechCrunch) Today I learned that these are not the same thing.
> Apple shakes up AI team as top exec John Giannandrea steps down (NY Post) Honestly, the biggest surprise is that it took so damn long.
> American Eagle stock jumps 15% as it expects a big holiday, raises forecast after Sydney Sweeney ads (CNBC) Go to horny jail, America…
> Congrats to all the Forbes 30 Under 30s…
+ US stocks “stepped higher on Tuesday, bouncing back from a fragile start to December trading, while investors plunged back into cryptocurrencies and related stocks.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “was little changed Tuesday as investors discounted next week’s final policy meeting of the year by the Federal Reserve and tried to look ahead and gauge the course of the economy and inflation.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “declined 1% on Tuesday as markets weighed faltering Russia-Ukraine peace hopes against fears of oversupply.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “rebounded on Tuesday after a steep selloff in the previous session that drove the world’s largest cryptocurrency below $84,000, as a renewed bout of risk aversion hit digital assets at the start of December.” (Investing.com)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s an 84% chance Gemini ends 2025 as the top AI model. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Crowdstrike, Marvell, Okta, Gitlab, Pure Storage, Asana, and American Eagle dropped earnings after the close
+ Salesforce released its full Cyber Monday recap
+ The National Retail Federation announced Thanksgiving weekend shopping results
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Dollar Tree, Macy's, and Royal Bank of Canada report before the open
+ Salesforce, Snowflake, UiPath, C3 Ai, and Five Below report after the bell
+ The New York Times DealBook Summit will get underway
Yesterday, I asked, “You get $750k to not use the internet for a year. If you accept the deal but then crack and use the internet, you lose access to your 10 favorite websites for 10 years. You taking the deal?”
65.0% of you said “Sign me the f*ck up.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Sign me the f*ck up: “That is enough to get me a cabin in the woods and stay off the internet for another year.”
Sign me the f*ck up: “Renting a place on a golf course with a pool and getting cable w/The Playboy Channel!”
Not worth it: “I wouldn't crack but I would go to a bar and find out they were streaming on YouTubeTV and lose the internet for 10 years.”
Not worth it: “I mean…TWC comes over the internet…”
Sign me the f*ck up: “This is one of my favorite hidden aspects of going on a cruise, no (free) internet. Put me on a cruise ship for a year! ”
Not worth it: “At this point in life it’s not about the internet being enjoyable, it’s about needing it to survive with little kids. Online grocery shopping, Amazon, tv shows for them so I don’t have to parent.”
Here’s today’s question…
Which chatbot you got winning the AI race ultimately?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.