Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… SpaceX pays the piper today, Donny Promises says we have a deal coming in Iran, and Boeing shareholders can’t remember the last time something good happened.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 17 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Federal Holid-AI
Everyone: “So is the AI bubble gonna burst today?”
Every AI company: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yuge day for literally every AI company that matters today (sorry, Apple $AAPL ( ▼ 1.78% )).
First up, everyone and their AI-girlfriends are patiently waiting for SpaceX $SPCX ( ▲ 5.68% ) to report earnings after markets close.
It’s the first time Elon will have to defend that whole $7.7B AI capex from Q1…
Oh, and he may also need to address the $500B drop in market value since the June IPO.
To which the BTC boyz who watched everyone sell crypto for AI say…
Friendly reminder, Starlink accounted for 60% of SpaceX’s revenue last year, and it’ll need to do most of the heavy lifting to clock in the estimated $3.8B revenue and $1.4B profits analysts are expecting…
In other national bubble AI action today, Anthropic, Google $GOOG ( ▲ 4.44% ), and OpenAI are all getting together in DC today to recreate this photo discuss new AI regulations.
Reps from Big AI are meeting up at the White House to make plans for how Uncle Sam can review new large language models, and apparently no one told Grok.
This meeting won’t actually include Scam Altman or Dario Amodium, just unpaid interns staffers.
Anyway, Godspeed today, friends. See you on the other side…
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+ Is Tehran in the room with us right now?
Donny Olive Branch woke up Monday and chose peace. Per #47, the US and Iran are back in the talking phase of the relationship, despite multiple denials from the big brains in Tehran.
Donny Truth Social called Iran’s leaders “unbelievably duplicitous,” which, nice vocab moment.
Oh, and claimed that ‘merica is completely in control of the Strait. Even though ship traffic is still minimal…
+ Alex Karp stays winning
Palantir $PLTR ( ▲ 2.11% ) blew everyone’s nips off with a big time beat on the top and bottom lines yesterday.
Earnings came in at 41 cents per share on revenue of $1.9B. Friendly reminder: that’s a 93% increase in revenue from just one year ago… lol, what?
Per the extremely unlikely straightedge Alex Karp, “To my knowledge, no businesses at our scale has even grown half this much.” Calm down.
Government revenue jumped 90%, and commercial revenue mooned 149%. Ok, maybe he’s right.
Shares jumped higher than Alex Karp after hours.
Rare W for Boeing $BA ( ▲ 8.03% ) today after the FAA put its stamp of approval on the 737 Max 7.
ICYDTAA (read: in case you don’t track airplane approvals), it’s taken almost a decade of delays to get the smallest model in Boeing’s 737 fleet approved. Small? Bro, that’s average…
After the Max 8 crashed and burned (literally) in 2018-19, Boeing’s been back at the drawing board trying to pull itself up by its bootstraps. Temu Airbus has about 40 of the Max 7s and Max 10s (still awaiting approval) ready to sell… assuming Elizabeth Warren lets us have airlines still.
Share price understandably mooned since no one can remember the last time BA got any good news…
+ Michael Failure
Quick check-in on the artist formerly known as MicroStrategy $MSTR ( ▲ 1.69% ), and…
Apologies to the crypto bros, but your fearless leader sold 1.6k more Bitcoin last week for a meager $105M in straight fiat currency, homie.
Quick math: Mike still hodls around 842k Epst*inCoin BTC worth $53B in real money, and the current turnaround plan calls for selling up to $1.25B total to cover stonk dividend payments.
“Dad, what was it like when Bitcoin used to rip?”
> Snap’s stock jumps 10% on earnings beat and strong sales forecast // With these glasses?
> 25 states sue Trump administration over latest global tariffs // Those who can’t do…
> Hugging Face CEO says China is winning the AI race and dominating on open models // *Downloads Duolingo again. Selects “Mandarin.”*
> ‘Spider-Man: Brand New Day’ debut: $360M, highest domestic opening ever // Zendaya don’t miss.
> Amazon tops $3 trillion market cap as stock continues post-earnings surge // 3x cuatro comas club.
> (Sunday) OPEC+ agrees September oil hike, completing rollback of voluntary cuts // Might’ve been a little premature…
> (Sunday) AstraZeneca and Bristol Myers Squibb mull $400 billion deal: Report // Merger of equals.
> (Saturday) Trump Media’s new paid data service goes live, giving clients faster access to Trump’s posts // Take my money.
> (Friday) Amazon customers to receive Trump tariff refunds after $600M government payout // “Like other large retailers, we’ll utilize refunds to continue to invest in low prices for customers.” *eyeroll*
On Friday, I asked, “Which one of these was actually worth the ticket price? (I have seen exactly zero…)”
34% of you said, “Odyssey.” Fine I’ll go.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Odyssey: “Id forget where I was going for 7 years if I was hanging on the beach with Charlize Theron.” Ancient BONK.
Project Hail Mary: “I’m convinced people pretend to like the Odyssey because it makes them feel smart. It was boring and confusing. PHM was neither.”
ShotsArrows fired.Spider-Man: “Spider-Man basically has the same cast as the Odyssey. I also found out those are not Matt Damon’s abs and they happen to be a stuntwoman’s. No hate, just saying.” Rare Matt Damon BONK.
Toy Story 5: “I saw Toy Story at a theater while in Mexico, so very worth the $5.00 USD I paid.” No hablo.
Other (write-in): “worst summer of movies ever, hate myself for paying a penny more than my monthly Netflix/Prime/Peacock/Hulu/HBO/Apple/Paramount/ESPN/Disney subscription charges.” We’re so cooked.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Which of these things is MOST likely to happen today?
+ US stocks rose Friday (S&P 500: +0.7%) as strong Amazon and Microsoft earnings pulled investors back into the AI trade, then climbed again Monday (S&P 500: +1.5%) as oil fell on Middle East deal hopes, sending the Dow to a record close. We’re so f*cking back (again).
+ The 10-year yield surged Friday, following oil higher on fears the Fed could hike this fall, then reversed Monday, falling about 6 basis points to 4.68% as the Iran conflict cooled.
+ Oil ticked higher Friday after Iran said it hit two tankers in the Strait of Hormuz, then tumbled about 5% Monday after Trump called off a planned strike on Iran. Peace be with you.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks JD Vance is in the lead for next POTUS. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
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