Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… J-Poww is about to join Diddy and Maduro, Zuck wants more power (duh), and Walmart is so f*cked.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 32 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, I sent out a 5-minute survey over the weekend with one goal in mind: making TWC even better. If you didn’t have a chance, I’d really, really appreciate it if you took just a few minutes to complete it. Help me help you.
Fed up
Just an all-time bad weekend for the Federal Reserve Chair/Dead Head, J-Poww…
First, on Saturday, Bob Weir, a founding member of Jay Powell’s favorite band (hint: the Grateful Dead), passed away.
Then, on Sunday, the Fed Head caught a case. Federal prosecutors have opened an investigation into the Fed chair related to the $2.5B(ish) renovation of the Federal Reserve building in DC.
That’s right, in addition to juggling two mandates, Jerry Interest Rates was tasked with getting his Chip and Joanna Gaines on. Perhaps you recall this instant classic…
According to a Sunday night Twitter message from Jay, the investigation is specifically related to his testimony before the Senate Banking Committee last June. Translation? He stands accused of lying to Congress (sup, Roger Clemens).
You might recall that POTUS and Jay don’t exactly see eye to eye. Donny Interest Rates believes Jerome should have slashed rates more than he did.
And I think it’s safe to say that Jerome believes the investigation is politically motivated. In his comments Sunday, Jer said, “This is about whether the Fed will be able to continue to set interest rates based on evidence and economic conditions — or whether instead monetary policy will be directed by political pressure or intimidation.”
Futures dropped on the news (obviously). Buckle up f*ckleheads… this is gonna be good.
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As we head into 2026, I'd really appreciate it if you could do me a solid…
Completing this 5-minute survey will help make The Water Coolest experience even better (wild, I know).
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Thanks in advance, you guys.
+ Great, now the lizard people have nukes courtesy of their fearless leader…
On Friday, “The Facebook” $META ( ▼ 0.79% ) locked in 20-year agreements to purchase power from three Vistra $VST ( ▲ 5.92% ) nuclear power plants. Per a Meta blog post, Vistra’s Ohio & Pennsylvania plants have a new top-priority buyer. Wait, why does Meta write blog posts instead of posting on Facebook?
Zuck also plans to help develop new “small modular” nuclear reactors with Oklo $OKLO ( ▼ 3.11% ) and TerraPower (yes, Bill Gates’ TerraPower).
The new deals, along with Meta’s 20-year pact with Constellation $CEG ( ▼ 1.46% ) signed last year, make Meta “one of the most significant corporate purchasers of nuclear energy in American history,” per Chief Global Affairs Officer Joel Kaplan. Ok, first off, relax, dude.
Nuclear shares mooned, because duh.
December jobs data is out, and… *double checks notes* the piss-poor numbers are far from the biggest headline. But let’s start with the numbers anyway. US employers added 50k jobs in December, missing expectations of 73k.
Food & drink, healthcare, and social assistance (presumably Somali daycares) put in work, while construction, manufacturing, and retail all saw declines. Unemployment fell to 4.4%.
But wait, it gets funny…
Turns out the Truth-Social-Influencer-in-Chief went ahead and posted the proprietary BLS employment data to his followers… 12 hours before BLS officially released it. Never forget that time DJT tweeted a classified spy satellite image.
Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 0.07% ) is getting into the brick-and-mortar business. And not just those 711 knockoffs where you can walk out without paying…
The makers of my Fire phone have submitted plans for a big-box retail location near the Windy City that would dwarf most Walmart Supercenters (think: 229k square ft). Now it’s just up to the village board of Orland Park, IL (who?) to approve the plans.
+ Davos is about to be lit…
First, Donny Economy comes for institutional investors innocently buying up single-family American homes. Now, he’s firing shots across the bow of credit card companies, harmlessly peddling 30% interest rates to people living paycheck to paycheck. On Friday, #47 posted a new hot take (guess where), calling for a one-year cap of 10% on credit card interest rates.
> OpenAI and SoftBank announce $1 billion investment in SB Energy as part of massive AI buildout (CNBC) // I don’t know about you, but I think energy has the potential to be a big industry.
> Walmart teams up with Google’s Gemini to make it easier for shoppers to find and buy products (CNBC) // This must feel real insulting to Walmart’s in-house AI chatbot. Sorry for your troubles, Sparky.
> This pretty much sums it up…
+ US stocks “rose to new highs on Friday, notching a weekly gain, following the release of the latest jobs report.” (CNBC)
+ The 10-year yield “dipped on Friday after the latest jobs report showed a mixed picture of the U.S. labor market.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “rose 2% on Friday on growing supply worries linked to intensifying protests in oil-producing Iran and an escalation of attacks in Russia’s war in Ukraine.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “saw marginal movement on Friday after cutting short a new year recovery this week, showing no distinct reaction to the softer-than-expected December U.S. payrolls data.” (Investing.com)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 22% chance that another Elon child will be revealed to be in existence by June 30. (Polymarket)
⏪ On Friday…
+ The three-day Silicon Valley Auto Show began. Tesla made a rare auto show appearance with its Cybertruck
+ The December Jobs Report was released
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ The four-day JPMorgan Healthcare Conference begins in San Francisco
+ The National Retail Federation's Big Show gets underway in New York
Here’s today’s question…
You find a great deal on a home in an area you want to move to. It's picture perfect, BUT... there's a nuclear power plant less than 1 mile away. Are you moving in?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.