Here’s what’s on the agenda today…

Perplexity is rolling out a rev share model (kinda), POTUS just fired a Fed Governor, and Elon sues Apple and OpenAI.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 34 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who only uses Perplexity and won’t STFU about it. If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something.

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Everyone: “Perplexity can’t possibly top trying to buy Google Chrome.”

Perplexity, like 2 weeks later: “Hold. My. Beer.”

The AI search engine has a plan for keeping internet publishers from lawyering up. It’s setting aside $42.5M to split amongst all the sites making content on Al Gore’s World Wide Web. That’s right… “M,” not “B.”

Websites can make money if their content gets views via Perplexity’s Comet browser, appears in searches, or is used to complete tasks by Perplexity’s AI assistants. And all the dropshipping bros who became bitcoin miners are about to launch Perplexity arbitrage get-rich-quick schemes…

In case you were wondering, “why only $42.5M?”… it’s because the payouts are funded by Comet Plus subscriptions (read: not a lot to go around).

Why though?

Perplexity claims it’s trying to “create a new standard for compensation” on the open web.

And by “new standard for compensation,” I’m pretty sure they mean buying publishers’ silence while they pull off the biggest copyright infringement since Sean Parker was launching Napster.

You see, while OpenAI and others have tried to play nice with big swingin publishers by cutting them checks for access to their content, Perplexity has opted to f*ck around and find out…

Which is probably why it’s on the receiving end of a bunch of lawsuits brought by a who’s who of internet content machines like Forbes, Conde Nast, and Dow Jones. In fact, last week it lost a bid to dismiss a case brought by News Corp. that claimed it was ripping off its content.

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+ “Say the line, Bart Donald!”

#47 dusted off his catchphrase for old time’s sake. The President/former host of award-winning reality show ‘The Apprentice,’ hit Fed Governor Lisa Cook with “you’re fired.”

Last week, Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Bill Pulte (who might actually dislike J-Poww more than POTUS) snitched on Cook for having committed mortgage fraud. She allegedly claimed two different properties would be her primary residence during the same year.

When Donny Politics caught wind of the mortgage malfeasance, he called for Cook to be fired. She insisted she wouldn’t be bullied into resigning. Fast forward to last night, and the President officially terminated her, citing “Article II of the Constitution of the United States and the Federal Reserve Act of 1913.” On the bright side, Lisa got one last all-expense-paid trip to Jackson Hole…

The move is expected to spark a legal sh*storm in DC that could end up in the Supreme Court. The President does have the authority to fire Fed Govs for “cause.” Just one problem: it’s not entirely clear what “cause” is.

+ Today in “headlines that I could have sworn I already wrote about”…

Elon sued OpenAI and Apple $AAPL ( ▼ 0.17% ), claiming they’re scheming against xAI and Twitter in the App Store. And I’m just glad John Sherman isn’t alive to see his antitrust act forced to endure this d*ck-measuring contest.

You might recall that Elon said on X earlier this month that Apple is “behaving in a manner that makes it impossible for any AI company besides OpenAI to reach #1 in the App Store.”

The official lawsuit claims OpenAI and Apple colluded to deprioritize super-apps (yes, Elon really referred to Twitter as a super-app) and generative AI apps not named OpenAI in the App Store.

+ Last week, Cracker Barrel killed Uncle Herschel (friendly reminder for those of you with standards: he was the guy resting on the barrel in the company’s “old” logo), and this week it pissed on his grave…

On Monday, Cracker Barrel $CBRL ( ▼ 0.62% ) “apologized” (sort of?) for its rebrand and logo update. And whatever it paid to a PR “expert” to help get it out of social media jail was far too much.

It didn’t actually say sorry… because that would be an admission of guilt. Instead, it reminded diners what doesn’t suck… and it was properly shredded for its half-hearted effort on the internet.

+ “I just locked in a 30-year loan at 22% APR for a 2019 Dodge Charger with 120k miles on it…”

Cars are getting so expensive, 7-year loans are becoming a whole lot more common…

+ “Yeah, I recently took a large minority stake in a major US chipmaker.” - American taxpayer (23, male, “between jobs”) on a date

After getting his art of the deal on with Intel $INTC ( ▼ 2.23% ), POTUS has plans for the land of the free and the home of free market capitalism to take stakes in other US companies. ICYMI, on Friday, the United States said it will exchange billions in CHIPs Act money for 10% of Intel.

+ In a plot line straight out of Red Dead Redemption, Warren Buffett derailed shares of CSX $CSX ( ▼ 0.23% ) when he clarified that Berkshire-owned railroad BNSF has no intention of taking over its competitor.

+ US stocks “fell on Monday as investors looked ahead to Nvidia earnings later in the week.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year yield “inched higher as investors continue to digest Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell’s speech last Friday and look toward key inflation data due later in the week.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “climbed around 2% on Monday, continuing last week’s gains, as traders anticipated more U.S. sanctions on Russian oil and Ukrainian attacks on Russian energy infrastructure that could disrupt supplies.” (Reuters)

+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 32% chance Sydney Sweeney will be in a S*per Bowl commercial. (Kalshi)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ PDD Holdings reported before the bell

+ Heico Corp reported after hours

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Okta and MongoDB report after the bell

+ Starbucks kicks off Pumpkin Spice Latte season, which means a basic millennial woman must have not seen her shadow…

Yesterday, I asked, “Do you check the bag before pulling away from the drive-thru, or trust the process?”

43.7% of you said “I let Jesus take the wheel.“

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

Here’s today’s question…

My oldest starts Kindergarten today…

Oh, and one more thing…

Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.