Hey there weekday warrior,
The TWC referral program is back.
I’m keeping it simple: if you refer 3 valid subscribers to The Water Coolest, I'll send you a $10 Chick-fil-A gift card. Start sharing your unique referral link…
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 22 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, I am using the PS to tell you everything you need to know about the referral program.
PPS, if you cheat or scam your way to 3 referrals, I will find out, and you will be excluded. Don’t be a scumbag.
PPPS, seriously, don’t do it
PPPPS, the program shuts down on May 11th. That means you’ve got 3 weeks. GO!
Fed Chair Conclave
Wake up, babe, a new reason the market is selling off just dropped…
US stocks sold off bigly on Monday… and it wasn’t because of the uncertainty atop the Roman Catholic Church (RIP El Papa).
It had everything to do with POTUS doubling (er, tripling) down on his calls for Jerome Powell to step down as Fed Chair. You might recall J-Poww has already said “I’m not f*cking leaving”… which led the Trump administration to look into firing Jer.
Just two problems for the White House…
1) It’s definitely unprecedented for a President to fire a Fed Chair
2) And (probably) illegal
You might recall from Econ 101 that the Fed is technically an independent central bank, which means it is un-f*ck-with-able (think: no interference from the President or Congress). That doesn’t mean a President can’t try…
#47 has been applying pressure publicly to Jerome and the Fed to lower interest rates, to no avail. Tensions escalated last week after Jerome threw some shade at the US’s current tariff policy. And by that, I mean he said they could cause inflation.
Yesterday, Trump went nuclear. First, he said this on Truth: “Preemptive Cuts in Interest Rates are being called for by many.” He then proceeded to call Jerome “Mr. Too Late, a major loser”… to which Jerry Interest Rates replied “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me…”
So, why the major selloff for some name-calling?
Did I mention this was unprecedented?
The fear is that if the administration does fire J-Poww (or tries and ends up in a lengthy legal battle), the Fed’s independence would come into question, which could lead to broader concerns about the US economy. Any loss of confidence could lead to a major selloff.
See: gold hitting an all-time high and the dollar falling to a 3-year low.
There is such thing as a free lunch
We’re running back the TWC Referral program. And this time around, it’s pretty simple: refer 3 friends to The Water Coolest, and I’ll send you a $10 Chick-fil-A gift card.
Here’s how it works:
1) Refer 3 legit friends, family, or coworkers using your unique referral link
2) I send you a free lunch
What are you waiting for?
+ Ok, but I’m not calling it Chipotle American Grill when I’m drunk in Tulum…
Chipotle $CMG ( ▼ 0.6% ) has inked a new development agreement to open its first location in Mexico in 2026. America’s favorite burrito co. will work with Alsea to attempt to do what Taco Bell has already failed to do twice: export norovirus to Mexico sell American-Mexican food to actual Mexicans.
Alsea already runs international locations of Starbucks $SBUX ( ▲ 2.55% ), Domino’s $DPZ ( ▲ 0.06% ), and BK Lounge $BKW ( 0.0% ). Now do Panda Express in China…
+ Bed Bath & Being a white collar criminal…
GameStop $GME ( ▲ 0.09% ) CEO Ryan Cohen just lost his bid to kill a lawsuit brought by the meme company formerly known as Bed Bath & Beyond. Perhaps you recall his shady short-swing play just before the company went bankrupt (again).
Ry guy will face a $47.2M lawsuit from your mom’s favorite store for allegedly buying and then dumping more than 10% of BBB’s stock within 6 months.
+ It appears Morgan Stanley $MS ( ▼ 0.21% ) doesn’t mind a little blood on its hands. They want in on some of that day trader money. MS’s E*Trade is launching its new “Power E*Trade Pro” platform to scoop up some market share from Charles Schwab’s $SCHW ( ▲ 0.29% ) Thinkorswim and Robinhood’s $HOOD ( ▼ 0.11% ) Legend platforms. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, congratulations, you’re not a degen.
+ It pays costs to be polite. Apparently, telling ChatGPT “please” & “thank you” costs OpenAI a f*ck ton of money, per Sam Altman. So I’m just going green when I treat my AI bot like a Foxconn child laborer.
+ The FTC is suing Uber $UBER ( ▲ 1.61% ) for deceptively billing users of Uber One and making it difficult to cancel subscriptions. Gyms be like…
+ “Hey, no cutting in line” - Tesla shareholders and Elon’s baby mamas fighting for some of his attention right now
Elon is hinting (again) at a new funding round for xAI. The maker of Grok raised ~$6B at a $50B valuation back in November to buy 100k Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 0.63% ) chips.
+ US stocks “fell again on Monday as President Donald Trump ramped up his attacks on Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, raising questions about the central bank's independence, while traders received few signs of progress on global trade talks.” (CNBC)
+ The 10-year yield “rises while the two-year falls, as investors worry about the fate of Fed Chair Powell while trade wars weigh on sentiment. Leading indicators worsened in March for the fourth consecutive month.” (WSJ)
+ Oil “prices fell more than 2% on Monday on signs of progress in talks between the U.S. and Iran, while investors remained concerned about economic headwinds from tariffs that could curb demand for fuel. ” (Reuters)
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Lockheed Martin, Verizon, GE Aerospace, 3M, RTX, MSCI, Moody's, Danaher, Northrop Grumman, Halliburton, and Synchrony report before the bell. Happy defense contractor earnings day to those who celebrate.
+ Tesla, Intuitive Surgical, Enphase Energy, SAP, Capital One, and Chubb report after the bell
Yesterday, I asked, “If you could double your salary but had to wear a Bluetooth headset at all times, would you do it?”
56.7% of you said Sign me up.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Sign me up: “My wife would be able to quit her job, so the sexy time headset wouldn't be a problem.”
No way: “The ear pain would kill me. ”
Sign me up: “I'll just act like I'm on a call every time the wife starts nagging about something. ”
No way: “I don't make that much money and the guys who wear these all the time are doucheb@gs.”
Sign me up: “For that money, I can deal with it”
Here’s today’s question…
Let’s assume you’re in Ukraine, on the front line. So, yeah, it’s pretty gnarly.
You have access to a computer and the internet, and everyone in the foxhole has a sidearm
Who do you want in a foxhole with you?
What a time to be alive…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.