TOGETHER WITH

Here’s what’s on the agenda today…

Kimberly-Clark buys Kenvue, Amazon and OpenAI collab, and Palantir gonna Palantir.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 24 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Mike Tsu’s (Kimberly-Clark’s CEO) mother approximately 59 years ago: *consumes Tylenol regularly*

Just over two years after breaking up with Johnson & Johnson, Kenvue $KVUE ( ▲ 1.63% ) is in a new long-term relationship with Kimberly-Clark $KMB ( ▼ 0.59% ). Yes, the company that commits human rights violations with its sorry excuse of toilet paper.

KC is buying the consumer health brand responsible for Tylenol, Listerine, and Band-Aid for $48.7B.

In case you were wondering, that’s a 46% premium to Friday’s closing price. Just imagine what it would’ve been if Tylenol didn’t make kids really, really like trains…

Kenvue popped 12% on the news, while Kimberly-Clark plummeted 15%.

Wait, but why?

If you’re thinking, “wtf is Kimberly-Clark thinking?”… you’re not alone. You see, Kevnue has got more baggage than you batsh*t ex.

You might recall recent claims that Kenvue’s flagship product (read: Tylenol) is dealing with a PR nightmare. RFK Jr. claimed that acetaminophen (the main ingredient in Tylenol) causes autism in children if a mother uses the OTC drug during pregnancy.

And, turns out that might not even be the biggest clusterf*ck Kimberly-Clark will have to manage. Kenvue is the proud owner of the J&J baby powder talc-related legal issues.

So either KC just put on a masterclass in buying the f*cking dip, or it’s got itself in a Bayer-Monsanto situation.

Oh, and did I mention the size of this thing is going to raise all sorts of red flags for regulators?

WTF could it mean for us?

Every lame stream newsletter tells you “wHaT iT MeAnS.” At The Water Coolest, we predict tomorrow’s headlines today…

🔮 Bloomberg headline on 12/12/25 (probably): "Kimberly-Clark Walks Away from Kenvue Deal After FTC, European Regulators File Suits"

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+ Andy Jassy is about to be taking huge loads from Sam Altman…

Effective immediately, OpenAI will begin running workloads on Amazon’s $AMZN ( ▲ 0.35% ) AWS. The ChatGPT maker will pay AMZN $38B as part of a cloud computing deal that will give Sammy Scale what he needs most: compute. Specifically, access to Nvidia chips by way of Amazon Web Services.

This is the first time the two have partnered and is a shot across the bow of Microsoft $MSFT ( ▼ 1.39% ), which was OpenAI’s exclusive cloud partner until recently.

+ “Are you not entertained?” - Alex Karp

If not knowing what a company does is wrong, I bet most Palantir $PLTR ( ▼ 1.49% ) investors don’t care to be right. Once again, Palantir put on a clinic. It beat easily on the top and bottom lines during Q3, and it hiked its full-year revenue and free cash flow guidance. However, it’s expected to come in shy of estimates for innocent women and children killed during drone strikes…

So shares went HAM, right? Not exactly…

The stock fell more than 4% after hours, probably because nothing short of a legendary beat would have disappointed. You see, the stock is up 170% YTD, and analysts have concerns about the company’s multiples.

It probably doesn’t help that CEO Alex Karp is an absolute loose cannon. He called out the haters who have been “left in a kind of deranged and self-destructive befuddlement.”

+ Just a few days after ending a nearly 2-year Twitter hiatus (maybe he forgot his password?), Michael Burry dropped the least surprising 13F ever. ICYMI, here was his tweet…

His portfolio updates include yuge bearish bets against Nvidia $NVDA ( ▼ 1.75% ) and Palantir $PLTR ( ▼ 1.49% ). Oh, and Dr. Burry might be more bullish on Lululemon than the average soccer mom. He added to his already sizable stake in the athleisurewear maker.

+ Beyond Meat $BYND ( ▼ 4.51% ) stock getting more mangled than your insides after one of their faux meat patties…

The meme-adjacent stock got destroyed after it delayed its earnings report. Something about needing more time to “calculate a material noncash impairment charge related to certain long-lived assets.” It’s so over.

+ US stocks “finished the first trading day of November mixed, with Big Tech names like Amazon (AMZN) and Nvidia (NVDA) rising near record-high levels, fueling a continued rally in the AI trade even as those gains weren't broadly distributed.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “was relatively unchanged on Monday as the U.S. government shutdown entered its fourth week, putting it on track to become the longest running yet.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices held steady on Monday as the market balanced the latest OPEC+ supply increase with the group’s plans to pause output increases in the first quarter of 2026 along with fears of an oil supply glut and weak factory data in Asia.” (Reuters)

+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s an 18% chance Zohran Mamdani’s margin of victory in the NYC Mayoral Election is 24% or more. (Kalshi)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Fubotv, ON Semiconductor, Cipher Mining, and Pony AI reported before the bell

+ Palantir, Hims & Hers, Realty Income Corp, Navitas, Energy Fuels, Vertex, BWX, Diamondback Energy, Sterling Construction, and Simon Property reported after hours

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Uber, Shopify, Spotify, Pfizer, Ferrari, Zoetis, Hut 8, Archer-Daniels-Midland, Marriott, Eaton, Wingstop, and Hertz Global report before the opening bell

+ Advanced Micro Devices, Super Micro Computer, Arista, Rivian, Tempus, Astera Labs, Marathon Digital Holdings, Zeta, CAVA, Upstart, Axon, Pinterest, Toast, Kratos, Amgen, Coupang, Procept, and Ouster report after the bell

Yesterday, I asked, “Your company offers unlimited PTO. How much time are you actually taking?”

32.7% of you said, “4 weeks.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

Here’s today’s question…

This one was going viral over the weekend…

Oh, and one more thing…

Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.