Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… Elon can’t stop, won’t stop getting richer, Jake Paul got his jaw pulverized (duh), and Big Pharma can just lower prices if they really want.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 32 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Huge package
Define down bad…
Remember that guy who owned 9 shares of Tesla $TSLA ( ▼ 0.45% ) and sued to block Elon’s multi-billion dollar pay package back in 2018?
Welp, not only did the Delaware Supreme Court reinstate Elon’s pay package, but they awarded the plaintiff, Richard J. Tornetta… $1 (Bob) for his troubles. Seriously. As you can imagine, Elon was incredibly humble in victory…
You might recall that a lower court had ruled that the pay package needed to be vacated because Grimes’ baby daddy “improperly influenced board members.” Which, duh. Tesla’s board was basically an Elon group chat.
The highest court in Delaware (which is like being the tallest midget) admitted that there was certainly some f*ckery afoot, but they didn’t think Elon should be left “uncompensated for his time and efforts over a period of six years.” So technically, Tornetta “won” (… but at what cost?).
I’ll save you the ChatGPT query (and the rolling blackout it will cause in some Bumf*ck community): TSLA shares were ~$20 in 2018 and closed at $481 on Friday. That puts the value of Elon’s 2018 comp package at right around $140B.
And in case you were concerned… no, he won’t lose the (potential) $1T pay package awarded in November.
When the world gets weird, gold stops being boring
You don't need to buy bullion at Costco to trade gold, you guys.
MicroSectors Gold 3X Leveraged (SHNY) and 3X Inverse Leveraged (DULL) ETN give you the exposure you need when the moment arises.
And by moment, I mean rates twitch, a Fed president speaks out of turn, someone gets trigger happy in the Middle East, or sh*t hits the fan in Venezuela.
SHNY and DULL are tools for short-term positioning, hedging, and expressing a view when geopolitics and macro go apesh*t.
(BTW, A+ ticker symbols… no notes)
+ All in favor of giving David Ellison and Paramount another chance at Warner Bros. Discovery after that Jake Paul/Anthony Joshua “fight”?
Spoiler alert: the Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 0.42% ) Jake Paul/Anthony Joshua fight was about as exciting as trying to read a completely redacted Epstein file. Joshua knocked out Paul (the one who boxes, not the WWE one) in a fight that paid each fighter $100M-ish, reportedly. And would you expect anything less from two guys with two first names?
+ I don’t remember this episode of the Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show…
Nobody is happier right now than the people who own Bluey. Why? Because some canine IP that hasn’t been popular since the Reagan administration just secured a $1B+ valuation.
Sony backed up the Brinks truck for Peanuts’ (think: Snoopy, Charlie Brown, and that grubby one who doesn’t take showers that no one wanted their kid to be friends with) IP. The maker of PS5 is paying $450M for 40% of the comic strip. That brings its stake to 80%. The family of Charles M. Schulz holds the remaining 20. And imagine a worse fate as a trust fund kid.
+ Martin Shkreli would never…
A who’s who of US & European drugmakers just made vague deals with Donny Healthcare to lower the price of their pharmaceuticals. The list includes 14 out of 17 major companies that #47 was after (think: Merck $MRK ( ▲ 0.4% ), Bristol Myers Squibb $BMY ( ▲ 1.61% ), Amgen $AMGN ( ▲ 0.91% ), and several others that you’ve never heard of but whose price-gouging has certainly ruined the life of someone you love).
All have inked pinky promises to voluntarily sell medications for less and launch their products on the upcoming D2C drug website, TrumpRX. In exchange, those companies won’t face the next three years of planned pharma tariffs. Still on Donny’s sh*tlist: Johnson & Johnson $JNJ ( ▼ 0.93% )…
> Meta Board Member Powell McCormick Resigns After Eight Months (Bloomberg) // Another one bites the dust.
> Universal Studios Looks to Saudi Arabia for New Theme Park (WSJ) // Universal Studios is like the Walgreens of the theme park world. They just sort of pop up right across the street from any CVS/Disney.
> Waymo resumes robotaxi service in San Francisco after blackout chaos — Musk says Tesla car service unaffected (CNBC) // There’s a Waymo engineer getting paid $960k, with 97 days of PTO, who forgot to tell the robotaxis what to do when stoplights go out…
> Morgan Stanley seen as front-runner for SpaceX IPO (Reuters) // We sure did go from IPO denial to IPO fast track in record time.
+ US stocks “rose on Friday, lifted by Oracle, as the artificial intelligence trade regained its footing after experiencing volatility.” (CNBC)
+ The 10-year yield “ticked higher on Friday as investors digested fresh consumer sentiment data and a tame inflation print.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “rose Friday, but was set for a second straight weekly decline as persistent concerns about a global supply glut dominated market sentiment, outweighing support from geopolitical supply risks.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 79% chance that ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ will be Spotify’s top song on December 25. *queues up ‘Baby, it’s Cold Outside’* (Polymarket)
⏪ On Friday…
+ Carnival and Paychex reported before the bell
+ Disney released Avatar: Fire and Ash
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ The Santa Claus rally window officially opens…
Friday, I asked, “Which current Schedule I drugs should join jazz cabbage in Schedule III next?”
42.0% of you said, “Psilocybin (mushrooms).”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Psilocybin (mushrooms): “Some of the others might be funnier to think about, but psilocybin may have actual medical usages.”
MDMA: “If Molly was a required drug for angry sons of bitches, wouldnt this Make America Great Again?”
Psilocybin (mushrooms): “The only one that grows on trees. ”
None of the above (drugs are bad. repent.): “How about just making alcohol more of a workday staple”
Psilocybin (mushrooms): “Pssst Tyler, 1.4% of your audience is into heroin.”
Here’s today’s question…
How many "Christmases" are the right number to celebrate?
- 1: The big Christmas. Get the immediate family together, plus all the cousins, uncles, grandmas, etc on the 25th.
- 2: One day for the immediate family, one day for extended family.
- 3-5: Everyone gets their own day. Immediate family, grandparents, cousins, etc.
- 6+: Includes a "Friendsmas" and being a child of divorce. Or, you're just an unhinged holiday fanatic.
- 0: Happy Hannukah to you.
- Other (write-in)
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.