TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Dell is Uncle Sam’s favorite nephew, Microsoft is firing everyone at Xbox, and Michael Saylor’s Strategy just betrayed his people.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 33 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS… thanks in advance for doing your part in helping keep TWC like the Fed (think: free and independent) by checking out today’s advertising partner.
Dude, you’re getting a Dell
Liberty Bell Dell
Donny Dell let freedom the opening bell ring yesterday directly from the White House to promote the launch of the new July 4 Trump Accounts.
Friendly reminder: Uncle Sam just dropped $1k each into over 500k Trump Accounts (think: the new tax-advantaged investment accounts for kids born between 2025 and 2028).
No one better tell my wife…
Anyway, the Dells (the computer ones, not the Wisconsin ones) have pledged over $6B to support the program, and DJT really went out there and did Michael Dell a solid…
While ringing the opening bell for Wall Street, #47 casually told the MAGA crowd to “go out and buy a Dell computer” just like the Dell guy from the 2000s.
Dell’s $DELL ( ▲ 4.43% ) stonk immediately pumped 7.8%, which, quick math, instant ROI.
Ask not what Dell can do for you. Ask what you can do for Dell…
Per Donny Pump, “We’re going to get him that money back one way or the other and then I’ll ask for another $6 billion… We’ll start the whole process all over again.”
In other words…
July Means Zero Days Off, Especially the “Next Day”
You guys, this month it’s all happening.
'Tis the season to say yes. But all those legendary nights shouldn't come at the expense of great mornings.
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+ Imagine being funemployed, and you can’t even play Xbox to pass the time between rejection emails…
The company formerly parodied as Macrohard just decided that 2.1% of its workforce needed an extra, extra-long weekend and a whole lot more liberty to celebrate Independence Day. Yesterday, Microsoft $MSFT ( ▼ 0.96% ) announced it had eliminated 4.8k jobs to cut costs for more… you know.
The company named after what your ex calls you to her friends is sending its heaviest cuts to the division that shares her name. Yep, Xbox lost 1.6k soldiers on the corporate Battlefront battlefield yesterday, and that’s only the first half of the planned 3.2k cuts. ICYDK, that’s about 20% of Xbox’s total team.
Rockstar, the Xbox blood is on your hands…
+ Michael Saylor: *sells Bitcoin to stay solvent*
Crypto bros:
Satoshi shill Michael Saylor just continues to rug pull every crypto bro’s uncle who got talked into buying BTC at its absolute peak…
The Bitcoin evangelists over at MicroStrategy $MSTR ( 0.0% ) dumped $216M of crypto gold last week. What’s the opposite of HODL? Fortunately, BTC still jumped Monday to $63.8k… but…
Friendly reminder: Mike’s average purchase price sits around $75k per token. So, down bad.
+ One if by drone, two if by submarine
Good news, bulls: the military-industrial complex is alive and well…
Lockheed Martin $LMT ( ▼ 1.45% ) went shopping and picked up defense group Ultra Maritime for a cool $3.4B in straight cash, homie.
Ultra Maritime (think: anti-submarine technology like radar systems and torpedo defense tech) will become part of Lockheed’s stable just in time for more Ukrainian action.
Your books, reconciled before Monday.
Viktor reconciles Stripe, QuickBooks, and your bank, catches duplicate charges, updates the runway model, and rebuilds the board deck, then posts the close to #finance Sunday night. No one has to ask. SOC 2 certified, and your data never trains models.
> easyJet shares soar 10% on Castlelake’s $7.3B takeover bid for budget airline // Rumor is Elizabeth Warren is running for Parliament now to block this…
> Versant agrees to buy golf simulator company Full Swing for $530 million // *Topgolf punching drywall rn*
> TeraWulf shares soar after Anthropic leases data center in Kentucky // Water futures up big on the news.
> Trump defends Balogun red card review call for World Cup // *checks approval rating for a definite spike*
> (Thursday) Sandwich chain Jersey Mike’s files for IPO, reports 50% same-store sales growth in recent years // Most delicious important news from the break…
> (Thursday) U.S. economy added 57,000 jobs in June, less than expected; unemployment rate at 4.2% // ICYMI, there are jobs, but… not great, Bob.
> (Tuesday) Trump administration lifts export controls on Anthropic’s most powerful AI models, ending bitter standoff // Let Freedom Ring.
On Tuesday, I asked, “Ok, so if Blackberry was peak handheld tech, then what was peak TV watching tech?”
49% of you said, “Upgraded cable.” Glad to know we all agree TV has gone too far.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Upgraded cable: “It’s what made conversations at the water cooler bearable.” Think you meant *coolest.
DVR/TiVo: “You knew if your friends were rich or not based on having TiVo.” Peak status symbol.
Other (write-in): “Dad got a hot box that unlocked all the HBO/ pay per view channels. It also unlocked the Spice network… mom could never figure out why there was always a half dozen 12-13 yr old boys over our house when she came home from work.” Plot twist: they were all there for your mom.
DVR/TiVo: “DVR + upgraded cable was goated could record all your shows and still had access to everything live in one package. Now I need 10 packages to watch the NFL.” We have truly lost our way.
Other (write-in): “KODI/IPTV. What’s better than having access to Moldova C league basketball games while screwing Comcast out of $200/month.” I’m calling the police.
Other (write-in): “HD TV. First time seeing that compared to SD, it was like seeing tits for the first time.” BONK.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
What kinda World Cup fan are you?
+ US stocks rallied Monday (S&P 500: +0.7%) with the Dow clearing 53k for the first time as chips caught an AI second wind, probably because of the long weekend of freedom…
🔴 Solstice Stock Tumbles on $12 Billion Deal for Element // Honeywell spinoff doing spinoff things.
+ The 10-year yield ticked down Monday as investors eyed the FOMC minutes from Kevin Warsh’s first meeting as Fed chair. Godspeed, the Warsh era is officially underway.
+ Oil settled back to pre-Iran-war levels Monday after Saudi Arabia slashed official prices and OPEC+ waved through another August output bump.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 12% chance that Max Verstappen retires from F1 this year. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
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