All good things must come to an end. Like the TWC Q1 2026 survey.
Listen, I know you’re probably sick of hearing about it. And I’m sick of asking about it.
But it turns out a whole f*ck ton of you haven’t completed it yet. In fact, ~96% of you reading this are guilty as charged.
Every single data point helps me make TWC even better. So, please take a few minutes to complete the TWC Q1 reader survey.
(BTW, I’m giving away $500 in straight cash, homie, to one lucky participant. If you run the numbers, your chances are pretty, pretty good…)
Now, here’s what’s on tap today… SpaceX wants to get its murder & acquisition on, OpenAI is heating up on fire (NBA Jam rules), and Apple wants to buy its way into the AI game.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 21 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Drop your buffs
“You’ve made it to the merge.” - Elon, probably
Daddy Elon (as he’s known to his *at least* 14 children) has an idea so crazy it might just work (but, let’s be honest, it probably won’t).
Well, technically, he’s got two crazy ideas…
Behind door #1…
According to sources, SpaceX and xAI are in talks to merge prior to SpaceX’s massive IPO. And there’s definitely gonna be a kill list.
The merger of unequals would put Elon’s rockets, Starlink satellites, the X platform (friendly reminder: xAI “bought” the social app formerly known as Twitter last year), and Grok AI together under one big corporate umbrella, which most certainly will not be incorporated in Delaware.
In case you’ve been living under a rock, SpaceX is already the MVPHC (most valuable privately held company), with a $800B valuation. xAI sat at a cool $230B valuation as of November.
Behind door #2…
According to other (read: probably the same) sources, SpaceX could also potentially merge with Tesla $TSLA ( ▲ 3.5% ), which, for the record, is already publicly traded. That would certainly complicate matters, given that Elon would need shareholder buy-in.
Why though?
Synergy. That’s why.
A SpaceX-xAI tie-up would help put data centers in orbit (and presumably on Mars). And a Tesla-SpaceX merger would all but guarantee Starman gets some company in space.
Sure, both options are a long shot, but prediction markets have got some bad news for Saudi Aramco (the current IPO king)…
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+ “Told ya so.” - all the Apple bulls who have been saying we’re about to get an ‘IpHonE SuPeRcYcLe’ for the last 12 cycles
Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 0.8% ) put on a clinic in its most recent quarter. And it was all thanks to the iPhone. Sales of the OG smartphone jumped 16%. Tim Apple called the demand “staggering.” Just imagine how much better the quarter would have been if Apple Intelligence wasn’t Temu OpenAI…
So shares mooned, right? Right?!
Not exactly. The stonk rose less than 1% after hours. You see, it appears Apple is suffering from success. The sweatshop wageslaves AAPL “employs” in Asia can’t keep up with demand. Plus, it’s having a hard time sourcing enough chips to put in its new phones and facing higher costs on the ones it can find.
But wait, there’s more…
During its earnings call, we found out that Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 0.8% ) dipped into its Scrooge McDuck pile of dry powder and acquired Israeli AI startup Q.ai for a rumored $2B. Not that it’s a competition, but that marks Apple’s second-largest acquisition of all time (it paid $3B for Beats by Dre).
Q.ai specializes in machine learning/AI that can interpret whispered speech and subtle facial movements. Huge news for all the ASMR/OF mattress actresses.
Rumor has it that Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 5.56% ) is considering investing up to $50B in OpenAI. Which is pretty awkward when you remember that Amazon has been Anthropic’s sugar daddy for the last 3 years.
Elon’s archnemesis has been on a fundraising tear, working his way through investors in the UAE last week. And it ain’t cheap to get on the OpenAI cap table (or to purchase ChatGPT ads). OpenAI’s valuation hit $500B in October.
> Trump says he will announce a replacement for Powell as Fed chair Friday morning (CNBC) // Me, this morning…
> Spotify rolls out group chats (TechCrunch) // *crypto scammers have entered the chat*
> York Space starts trading at $38 per share as CEO touts ‘Golden Dome’ potential (CNBC) // Saying “Golden Dome” is the new shareholder value creation cheat code.
> US Weighs Tapping Robinhood for ‘Trump Accounts’ for Children (Bloomberg) // Baby’s First OTM 0DTE Contract.
> Pour one out for Clippy…
Yesterday, I asked, “Southwest officially just ended open seating after a 54-year run. What do we think about open seating's demise?”
58.1% of you said, “I hated it. Just let me buy my seat in advance.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
I loved it. Someone else should bring it back... (explain yourself): “I think I'm only saying this because I always managed to have a good seat?”
I hated it. Just let me buy my seat in advance: “Assigned seating at Southwest marks the official retirement of Jetway Jesus”
I hated it. Just let me buy my seat in advance: “You mean no more jumbos seeking me out to spill over in my seat because I know how to control my eating? All in!”
Other: “They got rid of free checked bags so who cares what they do anymore?”
I don't care. Ticketed seat or open seat, it's all the same to me (true chaotic neutral): “Except for when they start charging a $25 premium for all aisle and window seats after you already clicked buy now. Then I get mad.”
I loved it. Someone else should bring it back... (explain yourself): “It was just nice to have an airline that was different. Now it’s all just copy. Paste. Exploit customers as much as possible.”
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Elon's got almost as many jobs as Marco Rubio in that one meme. If you had to choose just ONE Elon endeavor to invest your life savings in for the long run (think: 50 years), which are you picking?
+ US stocks “fell Thursday but pulled back from a steeper tech-driven sell-off, as investors came away from megacap tech earnings fretting about AI spending.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “fell on Thursday as investors assessed the U.S. Federal Reserve’s decision to hold interest rates steady.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “climbed 3% to a five-month high on Thursday on rising concerns that global supplies could be disrupted if the U.S. attacks Iran, one of OPEC’s biggest crude producers.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 52% chance that the government shuts down Saturday. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Mastercard, Caterpillar, Lockheed Martin, Altria, SAP, Honeywell, Blackstone, Nasdaq, Thermo Fisher Scientific, Royal Caribbean Cruises, Comcast, L3Harris, and Sherwin-Williams reported before the bell
+ Apple, Visa, Western Digital Corp, Sandisk, KLA-Tencor, Deckers, and Stryker reported after hours
+ Shareholders with Kenvue and Kimberly-Clark voted on the proposed $49B merger between the companies
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ SoFi, Chevron, American Express, Exxon Mobil, Verizon, Colgate-Palmolive, Canadian National Railway, Regeneron, and Charter Communications drop earnings before the bell
+ The December Producer Price Index report will drop
+ It is the government funding deadline at midnight
Oh, and one more thing…
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Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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