Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… American Eagle is down bad despite SS’s DDs, Johnny Appleseed is dropping a creased iPhone, and Donny Do-Good wants to give you $5k.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 19 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS… thanks in advance for doing your part in helping keep TWC like the Fed (think: free and independent) by checking out today’s advertising partner.
PPS… I’m hiring a social media manager for Letterland (my media company about newsletters). Check out the description if you or someone you know might be interested.
DDenim DDown
American Eagle: *struggles for one quarter*
Me: *3 beers deep, writing my cover letter and a BONKworthy pitch to AEO brass*
Every male’s favorite jean company, American Eagle $AEO ( ▼ 13.97% ), reported solid Q2 revenue (think: $1.4B) after the closing bell Wednesday…
Then dropped a p*ss poor forecast…
Turns out Sydney Sweeney’s meal ticket didn’t anticipate fashion trends circling back toward low-rise jeans. Thanks, Ozempic.
Temu Abercrombie is still working on moving its older denim, which brought inventory costs up a cool 14% for the quarter.
AEO stonk tumbled over 15% yesterday.
Quick math: shares are now down 45% so far this year…
Meanwhile, Abercrombie & Fitch $ANF ( ▼ 6.02% ) and Gap $GAP ( ▼ 2.11% ) both recently raised annual profit forecasts.
But AEO has one two things those guys don’t…
Friendly reminder that unlike Jonathan Davino (holy airball), the Eagle went ahead and renewed its relationship with Sydney Sweeney this year.
Which makes sense given the original Sydney Jeans campaign (you know, the one that had everyone big mad) brought in roughly a million new customers.
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+ MISS-ISS-I-PPI
Bad news for anyone who hasn’t opted out of capitalism. Wholesale prices jumped 0.4% in August, which brings PPI to 5.4% annually. Spoiler: that’s a bit hotter than the nerds predicted.
Meanwhile, core PPI came in at 4.7%, which is also… rough.
Apparently, a yuge portion of that increase came from diesel prices, now sitting at a record $5.94 a gallon. Check on your neighborhood long-haul trucker.
Friendly reminder: K-Woww and the gang meet next Wednesday, and traders are now pricing in a 70% chance of a rate hike.
+ Live look at Steve Jobs getting a peek at that crease in the screen…
ICYHAA (read: in case you have an Android) John Ternus ran his first Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 3.56% ) showcase as CEO on Wednesday.
Main topic: the iPhone Duo, Apple’s first foldable that will cost you (or your parents if you’re still on a family plan) $2k…
Per Johnny Sins Appleseed, “For a device that plays such a central role in your life, a larger display would open up entirely new possibilities.” BONK.
In other news, we’re not getting a missionary iPhone 18 yet, only the Pro version. The poors have to wait til Spring for the mainstream version…
+ Boomers like: “I’da done it for free…”
Donny Dividends is out here offering bribes dividends to every adult citizen ($5k in straight cash, homie)… IF the GOP sweeps in the midterms.
Quick math, that would cost roughly $1.2T… plus all the lawyers’ fees associated with the legal battle that would ensue.
That’s right, I’m hiring over at my other media company (Letterland).
We’re looking to bring on a Social Media Manager who can help us get Letterland Live to the next level (think: the moon).
The right person will own the Letterland Live accounts end-to-end, plus everything Letterland-related that goes out on my personal accounts: daily clip distribution, text posts, graphics for job moves and industry news, follower growth, guest asset handoffs, and DM-driven pipeline for both Letterland Insider signups and sponsors.
This is a hands-on operator role.
If you or someone you know might be interested, check out the full description and/or apply now.
> Starbucks spends $1B on comfy armchairs, plants to lure ‘lonely and disconnected’ customers back to coffee shops // Saw this and thought of you…
> Hunter Biden’s meme coin crushed 4 out of 5 buyers while one mystery trader raked in $1M: ‘Classic rug pull’ // Hey Siri, how much c*ke can $930k buy?
> OpenAI targets work of Wall Street junior bankers with new ChatGPT for Financial Services // Time to rub that finance degree BACK in mom and dad’s faces...
> Musk’s Boring Co. Raises Capital, Valuing Firm at $23 Billion // Valuation: $23B. Number of tunnels: 1, kind of.
> (Wednesday) Experts weigh in as researcher says AI has more than 10% chance of ‘killing all humans’ // …
> (Wednesday) Robinhood CEO says companies can’t control how their stock is tokenized as AMC clash escalates // Superdouche strikes again.
> (Tuesday) Nancy Pelosi disclosed at least $3M investment in Bloom Energy weeks before stock soared // Nobody saw that coming.
On Friday, I asked, “You need a ride to an important event, but there are no human drivers. Do you…”
46% of you said, “Get in a Waymo.” That’s a lotta trust in robots you guys have…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Get in a Waymo: “Way mo’ safer than a Cybercab.” I see what you did there…
Get in a Cybercab: “Those things are built like tanks. Much better prognosis for when you inevitably crash.” Inevitability.
Cancel everything: “Oh, no. The Tylers are giving me the option to cancel everything and sit on my couch and watch college football? Oh darn.” No event is really worth going to.
Get in a Waymo: “I’ve always wanted to circle a random Atlanta cul-de-sac.” Who hasn’t?
Get in a Cybercab: “Waymo cars look dumb, can’t show up to an important event looking dumb...” And yet, I hear you do it all the time…
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Hypothetical: You have to put your entire net worth in one of these and you can't withdraw for 10 years minimum. Which one you picking?
+ US stocks fell Tuesday (S&P 500: -0.6%) as everyone came back from the long weekend to find higher oil prices, more Middle East fighting, and an escalating Canada trade war. Stonks dropped again Wednesday (S&P 500: -0.5%) as crude cleared $100 and Apple sagged, then sank a fourth straight day Thursday (S&P 500: -0.6%) as oil and yields kept grinding. Hope the long weekend was good…
+ The 10-year yield ticked back above 4.8% Tuesday, closed at 4.84% Wednesday (its highest since October 2023), then topped 4.9% Thursday on hot wholesale inflation and $100 oil (its highest since November 2023).
+ Oil hit a six-week high Tuesday after Houthis torched Saudi energy facilities, closed at its highest since May Wednesday as US-Iran tanker strikes escalated, then jumped again Thursday with both benchmarks above $100. Woof.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s an 8% chance Dario gets dumped as Anthropic CEO this year. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing….
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