TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Intel drove a yuge rally to end the week with the bag, Google has got a fever and the only prescription is more Anthropic, and Donny Diplomacy is back off his BS.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 17 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Chip bag
Intel didn’t hear no bell…
Friday was a yuge day for chip fans (the AI kind, not the Cool Ranch or chocolate cookie variety).
Intel $INTC ( ▲ 23.6% ) led a rally for the entire AI bubble sector. Yea… Intel.
In case you missed it, on Thursday, the AI industry’s redheaded stepchild reported a massive earnings beat for Q1 (think: 22% revenue growth from a year earlier).
Those numbers had investors and analysts going from six to midnight (translation: “buy” rating). Which, guess that’s better than a Bluth Co. “don’t buy” rating…
Intel stonk mooned 24%. You guys, that’s higher than its dot-com era peak…
AMD $AMD ( ▲ 13.91% ) and ARM $ARM ( ▲ 14.76% ) both jumped over 11% as well, and Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 4.32% ) closed at a record high.
But why now?
Let’s not forget that this week is almost the most wonderful time of the year…
It’s hyperscaler earnings szn (think: Microsoft, Amazon, Meta, Apple, and Google), so the bulls are out in full force to see if all that AI capex is about to pay off.
Anyway, congrats to everyone who bought Intel around Y2K…
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+ Other AI companies: *invest in themselves*
Google:
Google $GOOG ( ▲ 1.35% ) confirmed Friday that it’d invest up to $40B in Anthropic. The deal includes an initial $10B at a $380B valuation and another $30B down the line based on performance (and pleasure, probably, if the above meme is accurate).
Whole thing reeks of the same kind of deal Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 3.49% ) made with Claude just a couple weeks ago. Hoes ain’t loyal.
Seems like a weird way to shoot yourself in the foot, Google. And speaking of shooting…
+ Another one.
Donny Survival’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner party got cut short after a shooter charged security and got a one way ticket to Gitmo. #47 and other cabinet members were rushed to safety, the event got cut short, and Dana White was f*cking stoked.
This capped off a bad day for Donny Diplomacy. The President started the day by canceling the US delegation to Pakistan for more Iran peace talks.
Per Donny’s Truth Social, “Too much time wasted on traveling, too much work!” and “Nobody knows who is in charge, including them. Also, we have all the cards; they have none! If they want to talk, all they have to do is call!!!”
^ things you say to your parents when they ask you to visit constantly.
+ Musical (fed) chairs
On Friday, the DOJ dropped its investigation into J-Poww. Friendly reminder that US Attorney Jeanine Pirro said she was committed to the criminal probe as recently as Wednesday… before going full flip-flop.
Meanwhile, Senator and unofficial Kev Warsh roadblock Thom Thillis said Sunday that he’s now willing to end his personal Senate Banking Committee blockade and support nominee KW for the Fed Chair job. In other words, this Wednesday’s Fed meeting might be our last with J-Poww before K-Poww K-Dawg takes over.
> DOJ says it will use firing squads, electrocution again for federal executions (CNBC) // Your daily dose of cheery news.
> Marked-up Mac minis flood eBay amid shortages driven by AI (TechCrunch) // Not how Apple imagined it would win the AI war…
> Special Forces Sgt. in Polymarket Maduro raid bet case released; Kalshi says it blocked him (CNBC) // Charged for betting on the home team? Preposterous.
> Target Mandates Relocation to Minneapolis for 150 Remote Workers (Bloomberg) // Can’t imagine the dual pain of having to live in Minneapolis AND work for Target…
> I personally can’t wait to be a construction worker…
On Friday, I asked, “Which Microsoft product do you personally hate the most?”
29.2% of you said, “Teams.” No surprises there.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
SharePoint: “‘We put it on sharepoint’ thanks Karen where the fuck is it.” Karen can f*ck right off.
Teams: “Slack >>>>>>> Teams. I hate that it comes free with the Microsoft enterprise package, otherwise nobody would use it.” HR people love Teams.
Word: “Project deserves a write-in, but Word's auto formatting kills me. Why did my outline change to bold on some lines, and my indents are more out of alignment than the aisle of a Spirit flight during boarding.” Did you just mash up our last two exit interviews? Well. Played.
OneDrive: “Seems like it's constantly changing my settings to covertly copy my files. I know they want it to train their AI, but asking my consent would be nice.” Consent?! This is a company founded by Bill Gates.
Other (write-in): “Edge. It’s a virus. No matter how often I change default browser to “anything else”, windows delusionally assumes I don’t know what I want.” I hear it sends your incognito history to your wife once a month.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
If you had to pick up a blue-collar job tomorrow because of AI, which one would you pick? (Current blue collar workers, you can still participate, don't be mad)
+ US stocks “notched all-time closing highs on Friday as investors assessed signs of progress in U.S.-Iran peace talks and weighed solid corporate earnings against downbeat forward guidance due to war-related energy price shocks.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “ticked lower Friday after the Justice Department abandoned a criminal investigation into Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, paving the way for the Senate to vote on nominee Kevin Warsh as his replacement to head the central bank.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices whipsawed in volatile trade on Friday, but were higher on the week, as traders weighed supply disruptions against the potential restart of peace talks between the U.S. and Iran that could help limit those disruptions.” (Investing.com)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 57% chance that OBJ signs with an NFL team this season. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Procter & Gamble, Schlumberger, HCA Holdings, and Charter Communications reported before the bell
+ The University of Michigan consumer sentiment survey for April dropped
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Verizon and Domino’s report before the opening bell
+ Celestica, Cadence Design Systems, Amkor Technology, Nucor, Brown & Brown, Rambus, Alexandria Real Estate Equities, and Public Storage report after the bell
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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