Hey there weekday warrior. Lots to unpack today… Walmart is getting a new CEO, Berkshire is moving on from Buffett, and don’t take dating advice from Bill Ackman.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 3 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Changing of the guard
Probably just a coincidence that Doug McMillon announces his retirement just days after the Epstein emails dropped…
Walmart $WMT ( ▼ 0.06% ) CEO Doug McMillon just went all “and for that reason I’m out” (the reason: allegations of getting handsy with his underlings retiring to spend more time with his family, and focusing on philanthropy).
McMillon started his career at Wally World as an hourly associate, which means there are really only two paths for store employees: 1) CEO 2) racking up neck tattoos and DUIs.
During his 11-year run, shares jumped more than 300%. Dougie Commerce will be remembered for rolling out Walmart+ (like 10 years too late), the Jet.com acquisition (which he overpaid for), and getting rid of the em dash in Wal-Mart (read: pissing on Sam Walton’s grave).
Of course, his biggest contribution to the big box retailer (and mankind) will be discovering Mason Ramsey in 2018 at a Walmart store in Harrisburg, IL…
Blue smoke is rising from Walmart HQ in Bentonville
Doug’s successor is “same, same but different.”
You see, Doug’s replacement is a carbon copy of him. John Furner also worked his way up from associate and has been with the company for more than 30 years. Oh, and they’ve both been Sam’s Club CEO.
Furner, the current Walmart US CEO, will take over on February 1st.
Walmart’s stonk didn’t move on the news… which is more than Target could say when it announced its choice of CEO over the summer (spoiler: also an insider).
+ “I’m the captain now” - Greg Abel to Warren Buffett
According to Berkshire’s $BRK.B ( ▼ 0.81% ) 13-F, someone bought a f*ck ton of Google $GOOG ( ▼ 0.77% ). 17.8M shares (~$4.9B) to be exact.
You might recall that Warren’s investment thesis is about as exhilarating as a Friday night at BYU. His portfolio is full of railroads and insurance companies. He even sees Apple as a consumer product company.
Investing in one of the companies leading the AI revolution doesn’t exactly scream “Oracle of Omaha.” So, who pulled the trigger? In all likelihood, Greg Abel is out here cucking Warren Buffett before he can even clean out his desk.
+ Bill Ackman: Hedge fund billionaire and dating guru…
"May I meet you?” sounds like something a guy who is about to meet Chris Hansen would say…
+ The Internet Invitational: *breaks the internet*
The bar/driving range concept that was meant to revolutionize golf: “Why does everyone hate me?”
They’re going to write business school case studies about Callaway’s $MODG ( ▲ 6.52% ) bag fumble. Just 4 years after acquiring Topgolf for $2B, the club maker is about to unload the drunk driving range… for $1B. PE shop Leonard Green is the prospective buyer.
Shares of Topgolf Callaway have plummeted 65% since the deal was announced. Turns out people weren’t willing to shell out $89.99 for a bucket of 6 Miller Lites on the reg.
+ “Best I can do is $7B.” - the Sackler family
The first ballot hall of fame scumbag family behind Purdue Pharma/literally the entire opioid crisis is set to get approval on its $7B bankruptcy settlement. In case you don’t watch documentaries… Purdue Pharma made (and aggressively slung) OxyContin.
+ You guys remember trade deals? Welp, apparently, we’re still doing those. On Friday, the US and Switzerland inked a deal to lower tariffs on Swiss goods (so hot chocolate and watches) coming into the US to 15%. Oh, and Swiss companies will invest $200B in the US over the next two years.
+ US stocks “recovered from earlier losses on Friday, battling back from Wall Street's steepest sell-off in over a month as investors await more economic data in the coming days ahead of the Federal Reserve's next rate decision in December.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “rose on Friday as investors weighed the interest rate outlook for the Federal Reserve.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices settled more than 2% higher on Friday as Russia’s port of Novorossiisk halted oil exports following a Ukrainian drone attack that hit an oil depot in the Russian energy hub, stoking supply concerns.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “fell as low as the $95,000 level on Friday, tracking a broader decline in risk-driven markets as sentiment was battered by growing bets that the Federal Reserve will not cut interest rates in December.” (Investing.com)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s just a 5% chance Mariah Carey’s 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' enters the top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart for the week of November 22nd. (Kalshi)
⏪ On Friday…
+ Bit Digital reported before the bell
+ It was the deadline for 13F filings
+ Shareholders of Union Pacific and Norfolk Southern voted on the $72 billion merger
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Xpeng reports before the bell
+ Trip.com reports after the bell
On Friday, I asked, “You and the crew can drink at one fictional bar tonight. Where you going?”
22.6% of you said, “Paddy’s Pub (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia).”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Paddy’s Pub (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia): “Oh what I would give to walk in during the Day Man pitch”
Other: “The Hog's Head (Harry Potter), because it would mean I'm a wizard. Yes, I'm a nerd.”
Drunken Clam (Family Guy): “Getting hammered with Quagmire is a lifelong goal”
MacLaren’s Pub (How I Met Your Mother): “As long as I also get entrance to puzzles ”
Mos Eisley Cantina (Star Wars): “Really thought Star Wars cantina would win by a landslide...”
Here’s today’s question…
There are two types of people in this world (I'm not sure which is worse). Are you Team Walmart or Team Target?
This is the truest thing I’ve ever read…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.