If there’s something more American than chowing down on a Chizza at your local Chizzeria, I can’t think of what it is. KFC and Pizza Hut are giving the world what it needs right now… the Chizza. Feast your eyes on this.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ “The S&P 500 surged to new highs on Thursday after chip giant Nvidia reported much stronger-than-expected quarterly results, lifting the broader market and tech sector.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “marginally higher on Wednesday." (MarketWatch)

+ Oil prices “settled higher on Thursday as hostilities continued in the Red Sea with Iran-aligned Houthis stepping up attacks near Yemen, but a large build in U.S. crude inventories weighed on gains.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin flirted with $52k for most of the day.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +16.4% 2) Super Micro Computer +32.8% 3) C3.ai +1.7%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Nvidia just posted the largest market cap gain in history. NVDA mooned 16.4% yesterday following unreal earnings after the close on Wednesday.

– Rivian did its best Nikola impression yesterday. Shares fell 25.6% after the company pointed out slowing demand during a disastrous earnings call.

+ Shares of Carvana climbed 23.6% after reporting its first-ever annual profit. Friendly reminder: the car vending machine company came thisss close to collapsing last year.

+ The fintech formerly known as Square rose 13.2% after hours yesterday. Block shared strong guidance and said it hopes to upsell nearly 60M Cash App users to its banking services.

This AT&T promo for the new Black Mirror season was really well done…

Beginning in the wee hours of Thursday morning, AT&T (-2.4%) customers started reporting massive network outages. As in, customers couldn’t make or receive calls, send text messages, or even dial 911. I’m pretty sure they stole that plotline from ‘The Purge.’

AT&T didn’t indicate how many users were impacted, but judging by the outcry on the internet, it was a f*ck ton.

By ~3PM EST the carrier said it had turned its network off and back on again, and service had been restored. I wonder if they tried putting it in a bowl of rice?

So wtf happened?

According to AT&T, the glitch was caused by a software update gone wrong.

Ok, so what really happpend?

*Puts on tinfoil hat*

AT&T was slow to provide answers… which meant the internet had plenty of time to jump to conclusions.

The wireless company that’s about to lose a bunch of customers to more reliable carriers, like Cricket Wireless, said it had been in communication with the US Department of Homeland Security. Which led pretty much everyone to believe the outage was related to a cyberattack or some sort of breach.

Then, of course, there’s a contingent of sleuths blaming a solar flare for the disaster. Weirder sh*t has happened, you guys.

Why should I care? Even if this wasn’t a cyberattack, it was a friendly reminder of just how vulnerable many of the systems we take for granted truly are.

+ I'm a HENRY financial planner who makes $125,000. Here's how I manage my money — and the mistakes I see others making. (Read)

+ You Now Need To Make $300k To Feel Like You’re Making $100k In These Three Cities (Read)

~ ICYMI... Shaquille O’Neal quietly builds massive real estate empire amid ‘dumbass mistakes’ and solitary life (Read)

+ Huge miss by Reddit to not make its ticker symbol WSB.

Reddit officially filed to go public yesterday. Which meant it finally gave us a look at its financials. And, well, the only thing worse might be the platform’s UI.

The home of more than 100k glorified Facebook groups said it hauled in $804M last year vs. $666M in 2022. To put things in perspective, Snap’s revenue was $4.6B in 2023.

But that isn’t even the biggest red flag. RDDT has yet to turn a profit. Like, ever. Last year it lost $90.8M. On the bright side, that’s less than 2022’s $158M loss.

Why should I care? It’s a really sh*tty time to IPO. Just ask all the companies who tried to make going public great again in late 2023. It’s an even worse time for an unprofitable social media platform that isn’t named Meta to go public.

+ Whatever Google’s PR team is getting paid… it isn’t enough.

Alphabet (+1.0%) didn’t have one, but two, 100-year sh*tstorms to deal with yesterday. Just a week after rebranding its error-prone AI chatbot, Google is putting out another fire related to its artificial intelligence tools. Google is pausing Gemini’s AI image generator after it was accused of being riddled with inaccuracies.

And by inaccuracies, I mean it’s doing stuff like generating images of the founding fathers of the US as people of color (spoiler: that is not historically accurate).

The big picture… Meanwhile, OpeanAI continues to eat Google’s lunch. Last week it released Sora, which can generate realistic videos…

Bonus… That wasn’t Google’s only nightmare. Late Thursday, a screenshot began circulating on social media indicating that Gmail would be “sunset” (read: killed) in August. The “official” email was, of course, fake.

+ We are so f*cking back, baby. American exceptionalism was on full display Thursday evening. Intuitive Machines (+37.9%) put a lunar lander down on the moon’s surface. It marks the first time that the US has returned to the moon since 1972. Probably not surprising that shares of LUNR jumped nearly 40% after the successful touchdown. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Warner Bros. Discovery and Bloomin' Brands report. Name a better date night than crushing a Bloomin’ Onion then heading back to your place to HBO Max and chill…

Yesterday I asked, “What’s the best sports app in the game?”

27.9% of you said ESPN. Followed closely by Barstool and theScore.

Here’s today’s question…

Not even the tooth fairy is immune to inflation. Apparently, she (or he… it’s 2024 after all) is paying less for lost teeth these days. So…

Oh, and one more thing…

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