Today we’re breaking down the latest energy sector deal, sharing our disappointment in Salesforce & a whole lot more.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 13 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “waded in the red on Wednesday, after a spike in Treasury yields unsettled investors already weighing whether recent data will shift the needle on interest rates.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “advanced for another day on Wednesday, as investors considered the state of the economy and digested a poor auction on the five-year note." (CNBC)

+ Oil “eased about 1% on Wednesday on worries over weak U.S. gasoline demand and economic data that could cause the U.S. Federal Reserve to keep interest rates higher for longer.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “remained flat on Wednesday, staying squarely within a recent trading range as caution over U.S inflation and interest rates kept traders largely averse towards risk-driven assets such as crypto.” (Investing.com)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +0.8% 2) Salesforce +0.6% // -16.0% after hours 3) C3.ai -0.7% // +8.2% after hours

The market moves you need to know about…

+ It’s only fitting that just ahead of LFO ‘Summer Girls’ szn shares of Abercrombie & Fitch mooned 24.1%. A&F reported another blowout quarter, reassuring investors its turnaround is intact.

– Things you hate to see: that. UiPath stumbled 28.9% after the company announced its CEO would be replaced after just a few months on the job. Slashing its guidance probably didn’t help either…

+ Dick’s hit an all-time high after raising its full-year guidance. The sporting goods retailer said consumers are starting to buy sneakers and athletic gear again. Shares rose 15.9% on the day.

“It’s so f*cking big.”- literally everyone looking at the biggest big oil players

The oil and gas industry has a fever and the only prescription is more consolidation.

ConocoPhillips (-3.1%) is buying Marathon Oil (+8.4%) (not to be confused with Marathon Digital) for $22.5B as part of an all-stonk deal.

So what does Conoco see in Marathon?

Diversification (and expansion) of its US assets. Marathon does most of its drilling in Texas and North Dakota, which will give ConocoPhillips additional exposure to the region.

Oh, and COP thinks it can save as much as $500M of costs and “capital efficiencies” within the first full year of the mash-up. Bad day to be an underperformer at Marathon…

Zooming out

DJ Khaled said it best: “another one.”

This is just the latest move that has the energy sector in the US shrinking faster than George Costanza after a dip in the pool.

Just yesterday, Hess shareholders approved a $53B sale to Chevron. And Exxon recently closed its $60B acquisition of Pioneer Natural Resources.

Turns out, after years of underinvestment, big oil is playing catch up in a big way. It appears that the energy sector is coming to the realization that fossil fuels might be here to stay after all.

+ I’m not sure how much StartEngine pays Mr. Wonderful… but I promise you it is not enough. This man is the PT Barnum of retail investing…

The billionaire co-star of Shark Tank, who inexplicably showed love for SBF after his arrest, is planning to “buy TikTok.”

But, in typical Kevin O’Leary fashion, he’ll be making money regardless of whether TikTok actually sells or not. You see, KO is directing Average Joes to the crowdfunding platform StartEngine to get in on the action.

Technically, he’s not collecting any money yet… but you can sign up to be the first to know if/when Mr. Wonderful does decide to make a bid (… oh, and to receive marketing emails from StartEngine).

+ “My disappointment was immeasurable and my day.” - Salesforce (+0.6% // -16.0% after hours) investors

The company that bought Slack… just to continue giving it away for free, just dropped an absolutely brutal earnings report. CRM missed revenue expectations for the first time since 2006…

But that wasn’t even the worst part. Its swing and miss on current quarter guidance was nothing short of legendary.

Salesforce is predicting EPS between $2.34 and $2.36 in the current quarter. Analysts were hoping for $2.40. And the Dow component expects $9.2B to $9.25B in revenue, while the Street was looking for $9.37B.

+ This sounds like the plot of a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie: a woman leaves her big city banking job to answer a higher calling by taking a government post in the Midwest (… little did she know it’s herself that she’d find along the way)…

Goldman Sachs partner Beth Hammack has been named the new Cleveland Fed President. She’ll replace Loretta Mester who is stepping down at the end of June.

+ If Nelson Peltz was one of the Seven Dwarfs, his name would be Wealthy. You see, despite losing a proxy battle with Disney (-1.5%), Nelson netted ~$1B after exiting his position in the House of Mouse. Not a terrible consolation prize…

+ If you answer ‘always’ to these 8 questions, you’re mentally stronger than most (Read)

+ 88% of workers have sent an email they regret—this 4-step trick will help you avoid it (Read)

⏪ Yesterday we were keeping an eye on C3.ai, Dick's, A&F, Chewy, Salesforce, and UiPath’s earnings.

+ C3.ai (-0.7% // +8.2% after hours) jumped after reporting a beat and a raise.

+ Shares of Chewy (+27.1%) just had their best day ever after the pet supply e-commerce brand reported an earnings beat, announced a $500M stock buyback, and indicated that pet adoptions/purchases (don’t @ me ‘adopt, don’t shop’ people) were on the rise.

+ You can get full details on Dick's, A&F, Chewy, and UiPath earnings above…

⏩ Here's what we’re keeping an eye on today...

+ Dollar General, Hormel Foods, Best Buy, and Canopy Growth report before the bell

+ Costco, Dell, MongoDB, Zscaler, Ulta, and Asana report after the close

+ Preliminary Q1 GDP data drops

+ Weekly initial jobless claims data

Yesterday, I asked, “What cell provider do you use?”

The top 3…

Here’s today’s question…

Before you go…

The newest Kirkland product is flying off the shelves… (Twitter)

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.