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Hey there weekday warriors,
First, a quick programming note: NO newsletter tomorrow. Back on Monday.
Now, here’s what’s on tap today… Nvidia is the cornerstone of the American economy, Kalshi pretends to take insider trading seriously, and Samsung busts out all the LLMs at once.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 34 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Beat the Street. Don't make mistakes.
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Let's make a deal, you guys... if Nvidia remains on its bullsh*t next quarter, I reserve the right to just copy and paste the following…
Me: “I'm tired of this grandpa Jensen…”
Jensen Huang: “Well, that’s too damn bad.”
There are only two certainties in life: death and taxes Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 1.41% ) beating and raising. Nvidia’s revenue popped 73% in its Q4, driven by, you guessed it, its data center biz (+75%). Revenue came thisss close to $69B ($68.1B).
Earnings beat estimates too, nearly doubling from last year. How original, Jensen…
Meanwhile, its CPU biz posted a — (Sike… nobody gives a rat’s a** about anything but AI).
Surely, they can't maintain this pace, right? Right?!
Wrong. Dead Huang.
The company feeding big tech's insatiable appetite for GPUs smashed the Street's predictions for the current quarter.
And investors went all "that don’t impress me much.” Shares were up just over 1% after the report dropped. This is textbook ‘suffering from success.’
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+ Those are rookie numbers in this racket…
Yesterday, Kalshi just slapped the wrist of one of MrBeast’s employees. Turns out Artem Kaptur, who works for Jimmy Donaldson’s empire, made $5k in “predictions” (read: bets) on what would happen in unreleased MrBeast videos. Really dude? $5k? Nancy Pelosi would be ashamed.
The OG gambling prediction market app suspended Artie from its platform for 2 years and fined him $20k. But with any luck, he’s already making literally dozens of dollars on Polymarket…
+ “Hey Siri, we need to have a talk…”
Samsung just dropped the new Galaxy S26 series, and Tim Cook better watch tf out. The new non-exploding (fingers crossed) Galaxy runs multiple AI systems together. Samsung’s Bixby for the device assistant, Perplexity for web search, and Google $GOOG ( ▲ 0.68% ) Gemini for, wait for it… agentic tasks and acting across apps.
That’s right, the mobile version of Claude Cowork is about to be unleashed. Friendly reminder that Apple’s next iOS overhaul will be built on Gemini models, since Siri just couldn’t cut it.
Bonus feature: the Ultra model comes with “privacy display” mode, which means only the direct viewer can see what’s on the screen (pre-bonking a bunch of you).
+ Benioff’s last stand.
Despite Anthropic decimating its share price, Salesforce $CRM ( ▲ 3.41% ) didn’t hear no bell. The SaaS pioneer dropped pretty, pretty decent earnings yesterday. The CRM kings managed a slight beat on the top and bottom lines for Q4 and saw 12% YoY revenue growth.
On the AI side, Agentforce accounted for $800M of revenue for the quarter. Still, shares kept on keeping on (read: dropping).
You’re dumb (yes, you)
Don't worry, I am too. We all make dumb money moves. Every damn day.
We’ll spend countless hours researching a new investment, but we'll overpay for insurance or home improvements.
See where you're leaving money on the table.
> Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos to visit White House for talks on WBD deal, report says (CNBC) // "Hear me out, Mr. President: Melania 2" - Ted Sarandos, probably
> American Express unveils plan to build 55-story tower at World Trade Center site (NY Post) // What’s in your real estate portfolio?
> Bill Gates reportedly apologizes, admits to two affairs in candid town hall (CNBC) // Affairs with Russian bridge player and Russian nuclear physicist is some Bond villain type sh*t.
> The horrors persist, but so do I…
Yesterday, I asked, “Forget which of these AI guys is gonna take over the world. Which one of them would you most want to have a beer with?”
50.8% of you said, “Elon Musk.” But Jensen Huang was a REAL close 2nd.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Elon Musk: “Elon - we can talk cars, space travel, AI, money and politics; we may need more than one beer…” Careful. I hear on beer #3 he might convince you to have his babies…
Jensen Huang: “Jensen's got the hookup at Denny's after a night hammering beers.” Phenomenal argument.
Jensen Huang: “He seems the most normal who's not going to ‘well, ACK-shually...’ everything you say and likely won't bring up politics.” Might sign your t*tties though…
Elon Musk: “Should have offered 'NONE', who wants to spend 1 minute with any of these weirdos?” Who hurt you?
Dario Amodei: “Would be super fun to hear unvarnished ranting about Pete Hegseth.” Careful not to try holding his hand, though.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Survivor 50 kicked off last night. You watching? What is the GOATed competition show?
+ US stocks “rallied on Wednesday as Wall Street was led higher by tech stocks while bracing for Nvidia's crucial earnings report.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “edged higher on Wednesday as investors assessed President Donald Trump’s State of the Union address, which largely focused on the economy.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “edged higher Wednesday, holding just below seven-month highs touched earlier this week as persistent U.S.-Iran tensions offset bearish signals from a large U.S. crude stock build and fresh trade uncertainty.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “surged on Wednesday, experiencing some bargain buying after steep losses in recent weeks, while a positive mood on Wall Street also helped boost sentiment.” (Investing.com)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 35% chance Perplexity is acquired this year. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Circle Internet Group, Lowe's, Recursion Pharmaceuticals, TJX, Hut 8 Corp., and Aspen Aerogels reported before the opening bell
+ Nvidia, Salesforce, Snowflake, IONQ, Nu Holdings, Trade Desk, Joby Aviation, Synopsys, C3 Ai, Zoom, VICI, Redwire, Pure Storage, Honest Company, Sezzle, Procept Biorobotics, Trip.com, Enovix, Root, Sterling Construction, Teladoc, Paramount, and Heico reported after hours
+ Samsung held its Galaxy Unpacked event
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Celsius, D-Wave Quantum, Vistra Energy, Eos Energy, Baidu, Shift4, Warner Brothers, TD Bank, Royal Bank of Canada, Hertz Global, Novavax, Cheniere Energy, and GigaCloud Technology report before the bell
+ Rocket Lab, SoundHound, Dell Technologies, CoreWeave, Duolingo, Nuscale, Intuit, MP Materials, Marathon Digital, Zscaler, Block, Energy Fuels, Terawulf, Monster Beverage, Innodata, Autodesk, Coupang, Elastic NV, Main Street Capital, Rocket Companies, Ambarella, Sunrun, NetApp, Talen Energy, and Sweetgreen report after the bell
Oh, and one more thing…
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Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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