TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Amazon is actually making some money from this AI racket, Iran is a little hot over the whole Israel/Lebanon thing, and Disney is a magical ruthless place to work.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 32 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
AWSuck it
*AI money printer go brrr*
Andy Jassy just dunked on the AI capex haters.
Temu Jeff Bezos dropped Amazon’s $AMZN ( ▲ 5.61% ) annual shareholder letter yesterday, and it turns out spending hundreds of billions on AI might be a good move after all…
AI services clocked in at over $15B of annualized revenue, or roughly 10% of AWS’s $142B revenue run-rate.
Friendly reminder that the internet’s biggest book store projected roughly $200B in AI capex this year, so this doesn’t exactly make a dent…
“So why did Amazon’s stonk pop then?” - you, a casual, probably
Mostly because it’s the first time that shareholders have had real solid revenue data on AWS-AI to look at.
And something is surely better than nothing…right?
Classy Jassy laid it on pretty thick:
“We’re not investing on a hunch… Of the AWS capex we expect to spend in 2026, much of which will be monetized in 2027-2028, we already have customer commitments for a substantial portion of it.”
So… anyone checked on Microsoft lately?
Eye Bags and Wrinkles? Fix Them in One Step.
If your face looks tired every morning—eye bags, wrinkles, rough skin—you’re not alone. Particle Face Cream was engineered for men to tackle these issues in one simple step. This 6-in-1 solution reduces eye bags, diminishes wrinkles, brightens dark spots, hydrates, soothes after shaving, and nourishes deeply with Dead Sea minerals. No complicated routines. Just apply twice a day and see the difference. Save 20% with promo code WATER20, backed by a 30-day money-back guarantee.
War over, for now (probably)…
Either way, stonks went up again today. Iran is still big mad (read: no Strait for you) about Israel’s strike on Hezbollah in Lebanon on Wednesday. Tehran claims it violates the new ceasefire deal. But word is that Israel and Lebanon will begin negotiating directly to bury this most recent hatchet.
Traffic in the Strait is still pretty weak, especially because Tehran’s been asking for $2M in tolls (in Bitcoin, apparently) for safe passage. Which has gotta be tough since Michael Saylor owns it all…
+ Babe, wake up, inflation still sucks…
The Fed’s favorite child (read: core CPE) dropped yesterday. And inflation is stickier than Bonnie Blue after 1k. February’s metrics (so, pre-Iran and therefore basically useless) showed core inflation up 3%, in line with expectations. And missionary CPE locked in at 2.8%.
Month-to-month, both rose 0.4%, exactly as expected. Oh, and consumer spending jumped 0.5% while personal income fell 0.1% for the month, which, that can’t be good.
+ Imagine getting fired and then every time you hear this song for the rest of your life, you want to throw yourself off of the Big Thunder Mountain coaster…
The new guy over at the House of Mouse is going all Larry Ellison. Disney $DIS ( ▲ 0.62% ) heads are reportedly about to roll over in the marketing department. Josh Iger is planning to cut around 1k of the Happiest Employees on Earth to jump start Mickey’s next cost cutting phase.
Which means all those jokes we made about Josh being real-life Tom Wambsgans are getting more and more realistic…
The Secret To Paying Off Debt Faster (It All Starts With The Right Credit Card)
Did you know some credit cards could actually help you get out of debt faster? Yes, it sounds crazy. But it’s true. The secret: Find a card with a “0% intro APR" period for balance transfers. Then, transfer your debt balance and pay it down as much as possible during the intro period. No interest means you could pay off the debt faster.
> Google’s AI Overviews spew out millions of false answers per hour, bombshell study reveals (NY Post) // Ok, but I just asked Gemini and it said this is fake news.
> Amazon debuts Masters coverage, becoming the golf tournament’s fourth-ever media partner (CNBC) // And ISTG, if they make this as unwatchable as they made TNF…
> Justice Department launches bombshell NFL probe that could blow up antitrust exemption (NY Post) // Lock them up.
> Maine set to become first state with data center ban (CNBC) // That’ll stop em.
> Tesla secretly working on new, smaller, cheaper electric SUV (NY Post) // Already scrapping the robot plans, I see?
> Sucks to suck coding nerds…
Yesterday, I asked, “How quick would you gamble away a free $10k on sports?”
21.8% of you said, “Months.” And a completely delusional 17.4% of you said “Never. I would make a fortune.” which, sure you would…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Instantly. I’m terrible at sports betting: “Any other answer is given by a) liars or b) people living in states where you cannot bet.” Thanks to Polymarket, you can now be a degen in all 50 states…
Never. I would make a fortune: “No one knows 3rd division Hungarian handball like me” This guy handballs.
Instantly. I’m terrible at sports betting: “Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner. Double or nothing!” Great, now I have to watch this movie again…
Months: “I would do well for a while (singles and doubles). Then would blow it on a ‘sure thing.’” Happens to the best of us.
Years: “Just put in a bunch of futures bets that don't happen for years. Then lose the rest in a week and still qualify for "years". Boom!” You slick sonofab*tch…
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Ever do that thing where you try so hard to meal plan and be perfect but you run out of food/willpower by Thursday? Me neither... Anyway, what's the plan when you finish a long a** day (in a long a** week) and then realize you have no food?
+ US stocks “advanced on Thursday, as ongoing negotiations toward a peaceful resolution to the six-week Middle East conflict helped ease worries over the fragile U.S.-Iran truce.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield was “was little changed on Thursday as oil prices rallied and investors digested a number of key data releases, which will shed further light on the evolving inflationary backdrop and the outlook for interest rates.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices on Thursday pulled back from session highs after WTI crude briefly topped $100 a barrel, as a key point of contention in the Iran ceasefire was addressed after Israel said it would enter negotiations with Lebanon. Still, disruptions in the Strait of Hormuz kept investors on edge about oil supply.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) has Scottie Scheffler in the lead to win The Masters at 13% odds. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Blackberry and Byrna reported after the bell
+ The core PCE price index report for March was released
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ The Consumer Price Index report for March will drop
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of a guy with a Nano Banana account and a wild imagination. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.