Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Jersey Mike’s is about to IPO, what Google lacks in software, they’re about to make up for in hardware, and FIFA’s chokehold on American bar TVs is over.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 14 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
An IPO above
RIP Jimmy John’s, Subway, Firehouse, and Quiznos (again).
Turns out “Mike’s Way” means extra bread, figuratively.
Jersey Mike’s (soon to be $JMKE) is about to raise up to $1.09B at an $8B…
Yesterday, the 2nd greatest thing to come out of the state of New Jersey (respect for The Sopranos) filed IPO deets with the SEC to debut with 43.5M shares at $21-$25 each.
Friendly reminder: that valuation holds from Blackstone’s $BX ( ▲ 0.53% ) majority stake investment last year. Just in case you forgot that Mike already sold out once…
Friendlier reminder: That deal also bumped founder Peter Cancro to the chairman role as Blackstone brought in ex-Wingstop $WING ( ▼ 1.25% ) CEO Carlie Morrison to bring the purveyor of fine meats to the promised land.
Which worked, obviously.
Mike from Jersey boosted revenue 11% in 2025 and hit 20 straight years of same-store sales growth…
“But Tyler, when can I buy SPCX JMKE?” - you, probably
Still no official date for the IPO, but the entire S&P 1500 Restaurants Index (a thing, apparently) is hoping JMKE can put the whole team on its back…
That index is down bad (think: 2.2% so far this year) compared to the S&P 500’s 8.9% gainz.
Will keep you posted on the most important IPO of 2026 so that this isn’t you…
Picture this…
Let’s set the scene: Zuck is having a bad day. Maybe someone brought up Cambridge Analytica. Or perhaps an intern used the last of the Sweet Baby Rays in the cafeteria. Either way, he’s all sorts of butthurt.
So he throws the billionaire equivalent of a temper tantrum: shift the Instagram algorithm. Think: free reach dries up. Businesses are decimated overnight. Organic reach plummets. Chaos ensues.
Turns out there’s a way to protect against this sort of fuckery: stop renting your audience… and start owning it with a newsletter.
If you’ve been thinking about a newsletter, there probably isn’t a better time to get your sh*t together.
This summer I’m taking on a handful of done-for-you newsletter clients. B2B and finance brands are where we can provide the most value.
You bring the expertise. We handle everything else...
Strategy: We align on your business goals, audience, and editorial direction
Editorial: We learn your voice and turn your expertise into a must-read newsletter every week that drives engagement (and straight cash, homie)
Infrastructure: ESP setup, deliverability, welcome sequences, list hygiene
Reporting: Monthly numbers, plus what to actually do about them
I'm keeping this small on purpose. I want to work closely with every client, which means there are only a few spots available.
If you've been thinking about starting a newsletter or fixing the one you have, hit reply or book a call.
BTW, if you know someone looking for newsletter help, I’d love an intro. If you make an intro that leads to a call, I'll Venmo you $100, and if we land a client because of your intro, I'll send you $1k (yes, seriously).
+ AI giveth and AI taketh away
Remember how Google $GOOG ( ▼ 0.62% ) got rekt just a few days ago due to sucking at AI?
Can’t keep a good man Sundar Pichai down.
Yesterday, Alphabet shares jumped on a new report that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson’s former employer is developing a new chip meant to run Gemini more efficiently. Apparently, Google is experimenting with some new tech that will embed Gemini’s brain directly into the silicon (someone explain this to me like I’m a human).
The important part is: new AI development = *stonk price go brrr*
Google engineers said the new chip could get 6-10x more tokens per unit of power than its current AI chips, which, sounds pretty, pretty good.
+ FIFA? The principled sports governing body?
Finally, soccer is over, and we can return to our regularly scheduled programming (mid-season baseball and the WNBA).
ICYMI, Spain took the W over Messi and the Argentinians on Sunday.
But the real winner was the fans FIFA. It looks like the organization, under the leadership of FIFA President Donny Soccer Gianni Infantino, will clear over $9B in revenue for the 2026 World Cup.
TYFYS, hydration breaks.
Friendly reminder: this was the first time 48 teams competed, and Gianni wants to expand to 64 teams in 4 years, because capitalism, that’s why.
+ Uber-f*cked
Archer Aviation $ACHR ( ▲ 1.88% ) stonk mooned 19.5% yesterday after unveiling the new Thunder autonomous defense craft. *slow claps for the name*
Oh, and, more importantly, the new project is in partnership with Anduril, so it’s probably real.
On the homeland homefront, Archer is still working on getting its air taxis up in the air by the 2028 LA Olympics.
*Waymo punching drywall rn*
> Oil prices turn lower after Iran says U.S. talks could be pursued based on national interests // Bear poked.
> Playboy rebrands nude Playmates, touts ‘respectful’ makeover of bunnies: ‘It’s not p*rn’ // Another one bites the dust. (Sup, Hooters.)
> (Sunday) FDA says Taylor Farms had false positive after test pinned ‘explosive diarrhea’ parasite on Taco Bell lettuce supplier // Now back to your regularly scheduled Taco Bell diarrhea.
> (Sunday) ‘The Odyssey’ box office: Christopher Nolan and Universal opening weekend // But was it any good tho?
> (Saturday) Trump Media pitched $100,000 monthly fee for fastest feed of U.S. president’s posts, sources say // Lowball honestly.
> (Friday) Chinese AI firm Moonshot unveils powerful model with capabilities close to Anthropic, OpenAI // Wonder how that happened.
> (Friday) Anthropic in early talks with Meta to acquire compute power // Come on, Dario. You’re better than that.
On Friday, I asked, “Best Netflix Original ever?”
51% of you said, “Ozark.” For the record, I was prepared to BONK each and every one of you if America’s Sweethearts won…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Ozark: “Taught me everything I know about laundering money.” FBI get this guy.
Stranger Things: “TWC quipped that ‘(the Cubs) will do the running into the ground without you.’ Fact check: Cubs have the 5th best record in the entire league currently. Does this matter at all given it was a quick joke from days ago in a silly digital newsletter? Yes. Yes it does.” If you’re not first, you’re last.
Ozark: “Anyone who answers ‘stranger things’ needs their hard drives checked.” Allow me to introduce you to…
Stranger Things: “Stop it with Ozark. It’s not even close.” You two aren’t gonna get along.
Bridgerton: “I don’t watch any of these but Bridgerton gets my wife horny sooooo…” Wife BONK.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
+ US stocks fell Friday (S&P 500: -1.0%) as a chip-stock sell-off dragged the indexes to weekly losses and pushed the PHLX Semiconductor Index into a bear market, then slid again Monday (S&P 500: -0.2%) as oil kept climbing on the latest US-Iran exchanges. Chips and dips.
+ The 10-year yield fell Friday as investors bet the economy could take the war’s inflation hit, then reversed and jumped more than 5 basis points Monday to 4.594% as Middle East tensions ratcheted up.
+ Oil popped about 4.5% Friday after Kuwait said Iran hit a power and desalination plant, then climbed again Monday after Trump vowed Iran would pay for three dead US service members and the Houthis declared a maritime embargo on Saudi Arabia. Our long national nightmare is getting longer.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) are counting on 0 Fed rate cuts (85%) in 2026. It’d be a lot cooler if you did, Kevin Warsh. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
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