TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Allbirds just invented the next pivot that everyone will be making, Morgan Stanley and BOA are (spoiler) still making lots of money, and American Eagle brought back the one and only Sydney Sweeney.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Allbulls
I’m just glad Warren Buffett isn’t around to see this…
Shoemaker Allbirds $BIRD ( ▲ 582.33% ) went parabolic yesterday, which could the blacksmiths and the candlestick makers not make it?
And when I say parabolic, I’m not hyperbolic. Think: +582.3% on the day…
“What? How? Why?” - you, probably, trying to make sense of things beyond our mere mortal understanding
Thing is, every tech bro’s favorite cobbler (circa 2018) made an announcement that they’d be pivoting from making shoes to… AI.
I sh*t you not, they went full Long Blockchain on us.
The artist formerly known as Allbirds will begin transitioning to NewBird AI, a cloud computing and AI services company. And it’s going to go a little like this:
Step 1: raise $50M in funding
Step 2: purchase a sh*tload of GPUs.
Step 3: profit.
Details beyond those steps are still pretty vague.
Your move, Nike…
Where people with $2M+ actually talk about what to do with it
Most investing communities are full of people trying to sell you something. Long Angle isn't. It's a free, private network of 6,500+ verified members — typical net worth $2M–$100M — who share real diligence with each other and skip the sales pitch.
No BS peer insight: Sanity-check your moves with people at your level who have zero incentive to steer you wrong.
Actual deal flow: Member-vetted opportunities in private credit, search funds, and niche PE — $404M+ AUM.
Real people, real rooms: Regional dinners, workshops, and a members-only forum where people say what they actually think.
Accredited investors only. No solicitors. No membership fees.
+ The rich: *get richer*
The really rich: “Hold my beer”
It’s the most wonderful time of the year big bank earnings szn, and so far these titans of industry are putting up numbers. Morgan Stanley $MS ( ▲ 4.52% ) posted record Q1 revenue yesterday (think: up 16%), plus a 29% profit increase.
Oh, and Bank of America $BAC ( ▲ 1.82% ) also served up a top and bottom line beat, with earnings up 17%, the highest it’s seen in nearly 20 long, long years.
Thankful every day that those boys are too big to fail…
+ Bah gawd that’s Sydney Sweeney’s music…
American Eagle $AEO ( ▲ 9.29% ) just debuted their new aDDvertisement with the one and only Sydney Sweeney. And boy is AEO just milking this controversy…
Friendly reminder that the Eagle’s “Great Jeans” campaign feat. Euphoria’s one and only OnlyF*ns model did seem to boost demand but also came with an internet sh*tstorm over the perceived racial undertones.
Now, Syd is back and thicker better than ever in the new “Syd for Short” jean shorts campaign. And sure, jean shorts are great… but you can’t wear them every day.
+ Ok, but will it impact my Same Day shipping?
Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 0.21% ) is taking some heat after a report surfaced that a warehouse manager in Oregon had employees continue working after a worker collapsed and died on the floor. First p*ssing in bottles, now this?
Apparently, employees who were trying to give their colleague CPR were told by the devil manager to “just turn around and not look” and “get back to work" while the worker lay there dying/dead… which, wtf.
Anyway, just a cool glimpse into our blue-collar future, fellow white-collar friends…
The Key to This $240B Market Is in Your Bloodstream
Every year, $240B is spent on treating the symptoms of osteoarthritis, yet not a single therapy has stopped it. Cytonics not only discovered why, they found an answer hiding inside the human body all along. Their first-generation therapy has already treated 10,000+ patients. Now they're pushing a 200% more potent version toward FDA approval. Claim a piece as an early-stage investor today.
> Live Nation Court Loss Leaves Breakup of Ticket Seller to Judge (Bloomberg) // Great, now Ticketmaster and Live Nation can hit us with separate “Legal Surcharges”
> Trump threatens to fire Powell if the Fed chair doesn’t leave office on his own (CNBC) // Can’t wait for the Netflix docu-drama.
> Snap slashes 1K jobs in ‘AI efficiency’ bloodbath (NY Post) // “Ah sh*t, here we go again…”
> Tesla stock pops as Elon Musk touts chip progress (CNBC) // Stock’s on autopilot (read: not crashing).
> SantaCon Founder Stole Half of Bar-Crawl Charity Funds, US Says (Bloomberg) // Spoiler: everyone was too hammered to notice all that embezzlement.
> This is happening, and you’re still bearish on AI?
Yesterday, I asked, “Where are you on the satellite internet adoption bell curve?”
33.5% of you said, “Late Majority. I'm keeping fiber as long as I can.” The irony of these poll results being a perfect bell curve…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Innovator. I had that sh*t before it was even good: “Still has its moments of not being good. Stick with fiber if you can get it.” Noted.
Late Majority. I’m keeping fiber as long as I can: “We just got Google Fiber installed like 3-years ago. I'm gonna ride with them for a bit. Too much change, too fast. Damn, I sound old.” Sounds like a true late majority-er.
Early Adopter. I’m getting into Starlink nowish: “I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea. And then I dove into the ocean... And I swam with the dolphins. I was two animals joined as one...which meant - good things are coming. Good things.” Good to hear from you, Mr. Cheezle.
Laggard. They’re gonna have to pry cable from my cold, dead hands: “My in-laws tried to use starlink at their camp up in Maine. It worked decently as long as it was in the middle of the road, pointing only to the northeast, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. FOH with this technological advancement.” Cloudy with a chance of no WiFi…
Late Majority. I’m keeping fiber as long as I can: “The last thing I need is some sort of solar wind (or flare?) to knock out my Paramount+ stream of the UFC fights on a Saturday night while I'm trying to bet like a degenerate.” Why does it always glitch out on the best fight of the night?
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Which shoe brand camp are you in? And why? (You have to pick one, don't be generic.)
+ US stocks “returned to new highs on Wednesday, putting fears of economic disruption driven by the war with Iran in the rearview mirror.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “moved higher on Wednesday as investors monitored signals from the White House that talks to resolve the Middle East conflict will resume this week.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices dropped on Tuesday on hopes Iran will resume talks with the U.S. and Israel to end the conflict that has shut the Strait of Hormuz, one of the world’s major waterways for transporting crude and refined products.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 70% chance Claude 4.7 is getting released today... (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ ASML, Bank of America, Morgan Stanley, Progressive Corp., and PNC reported before the bell
+ The Federal Reserve released its Beige Book Report
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Taiwan Semiconductor, PepsiCo, Charles Schwab, Abbott Labs, U. S. Bancorp, Prologis, The Bank of New York Mellon, and The Travelers Companies report before the bell
+ Netflix and Alcoa report after the bell
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of a guy with a Nano Banana account and a wild imagination. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.