Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Nvidia is assembling a team, Cracker Barrel has a rebrand to CTRL+Z, and Chipotle really needs a reality check.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 19 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS… thanks in advance for doing your part in helping keep TWC like the Fed (think: free and independent) by checking out today’s advertising partner.
AI-vengers Assemble
‘merican AI tech bros: “Why couldn’t we see this hack coming?”
Chinese LLMs:
Yesterday, Jensen Huang picked up his vibranium GPU shield and went on the offensive for ‘merica.
Captain Nvidia just launched a new Dream Team comprised of a who’s who of tech heroes to solve one of the US players’ biggest problems.
Turns out, Nvidia $NVDA ( ▼ 4.99% ), Microsoft $MSFT ( ▲ 1.94% ), SpaceX $SPCX ( ▼ 1.36% ), and Palantir $PLTR ( ▲ 7.01% ) are all pretty, pretty pissed about Chinese AI models becoming a default cyber-defense system, which, fair.
*cue superhero music for The Open Secure AI Alliance*
Apparently, “The Open Secure AI Alliance will work to remediate and disclose vulnerabilities using open technologies.”
ICYMI, last week, a rogue OpenAI model attacked US startup Hugging Face (sup with that, @sama?), and, troublingly, Hugging Face’s own AI defended itself with a Chinese model which has way fewer guardrails than their US counterparts.
Oh, and by the way, that little incident has Scam Altman scrambling over to DC to do damage control with Donny Technology this week.
Friendly reminder: last week Scotty Bessent was already threatening sanctions on Chinese companies distilling US companies (read: New [insert LLM here]).
Anyway, now Captain Jensen and SpaceX’s Phony Stark are out for the blood of all these “distilled” Chinese models…
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+ Cracker out.
Cracker Barrel $CBRL ( ▼ 2.38% ) CEO Julie Felss Masino is stepping down from the job after less than 3 years at the helm…
Why? Well, mostly cause Waffle House+’s “woke” rebrand failed horrifically last year (read: removing Uncle Herschel and redesigning restaurant interiors had a lotta people big mad.)
Shares tanked instantly on the news, which, what else is new at CB?
Next in the hot seat: David Deno, most recently CEO of Bloomin’ Brands (think: Outback Steakhouse).
+ Two weeks to stop the spread strikes
US/Iran strikes went on hold yesterday, and oil prices immediately dropped bigly.
Despite the big brains in Tehran denying reports of a 10-day ceasefire, things were all quiet on the Middle Eastern front yesterday to give peace talks “some space.”
Oh, and ICYMI, over the weekend Ukraine wanted in on the fun and struck an Iranian vessel in the Caspian Sea which was supplying the Russian war machine.
+ Chipotle American Grill
Chipotle’s $CMG ( ▲ 4.44% ) ego knows absolutely no limits…
The slop dawgs just opened a restaurant in, yes, Mexico. Along with restaurant operator partners Alsea.
Per CEO Scotty Boatwright, “We are entering Mexico with deep respect for the country’s culinary heritage and a commitment to delivering the Chipotle experience with excellence.”
Apparently, the new location in Nuevo Leon is just the start, with more locations planned there and in Mexico City in 2027…
Anyway, Mexicans be like:
> Ex-JPMorgan banker Chirayu Rana files new lawsuit, and it’s totally different from his ‘s*x slave’ claims // S*x slave is out. R*cism is in.
> Crypto stocks rally thanks to rotation from AI infrastructure; bitcoin miners lag // Even Michael Saylor can have a good day once in a while.
> LVMH billionaire CEO Bernard Arnault dismisses reports of family rift // I’m with the eldest boy.
> (Sunday) Shein reveals key financials ahead of Hong Kong IPO // Temu Temu is in trouble.
> (Saturday) Kalshi demands Netflix take down trailer for ‘Prediction Games’ documentary // *checks to see if I can bet on this*
> (Saturday) Samsung Electronics wins $200 billion Broadcom AI chip partnership, boosting foundry push // Samsung stays winning.
> (Friday) Paramount agrees to pause $110B Warner Bros. deal while states’ lawsuit plays out // Pause.
On Friday, I asked, “What’s your personal data-to-discount risk aversion level?”
41% of you said, “You can maybe have my email for 10%+ off…” It’s good to have standards when it comes to giving away your rights…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Email for 10%+ off: “Is this 10% off a $400 purchase? Then yeah, sure, you can have a burner email. As a treat. Am I saving $2.50 by signing over my right to close the bathroom door? Eat sh*t.” How much *would* it cost?
Take all my data: “What are they gonna do gain access to my maxed out credit cards, good luck bro.” True (sad).
Other (write-in): “My SF 86 data was swiped in 2015, so… I am pretty sure I am insignificant in the eyes of China, Russia, and Starbase, TX.” They got you bad.
Screw your discount: “The headache of dealing with a hack is AWFUL… stick your coupon up your a** :)” That’ll show ’em.
Email for 10%+ off: “What do you think OnlyFans is doing with your email address?” Email BONK.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
What's worse than a Chipotle in Mexico?
+ US stocks diverged Friday (S&P 500: +0.1%) as investors weighed a new round of global tariffs against AI jitters, rising oil, and elevated yields, then drifted Monday (S&P 500: +0.02%) as oil dropped sharply on the US-Iran pause while chip weakness dragged the Nasdaq. Help us Obi Huang Kenobi.
🔴 Legend Stock Tumbles After CEO Departs // Pharma stonk doing what pharma stonk do.
+ The 10-year yield slid Friday and again Monday as oil retreated on hopes for restarted US-Iran talks and a weekend halt in hostilities.
+ Oil dropped nearly 4% Friday on a report that Pakistan is brokering fresh US-Iran talks, then fell sharply again Monday to a one-week low after the US suspended airstrikes. Oil down bad (good).
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks (73%) that rates are staying exactly the same this week... (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
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