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Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Amazon is splashing out to keep up in the new space race, United Airlines has a plan (and it’s illegal), and PPI wasn’t as bad as we thought it was gonna be.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 19 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
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“Name of the company is Globalstar. It is a cutting edge, high-tech satellite firm out of the Midwest…”
New space race just dropped, and instead of being a symbolic war between capitalism and communism, this one’s just about making sure everyone can access P*rnhub without cell towers.
Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 0.21% ) just got a little more aggressive on its way to catch up with Elon & Co., and it’s gonna cost ‘em.
Andy Jassy went all Buy Now with 1-Click® and picked up satellite company Globalstar $GSAT ( ▲ 0.91% ) for a cool $11.5B… but free shipping and returns, so…
That one acquisition will add all of Globogym’s Globalstar’s satellite ops, infrastructure, and assets, including its ~24 satellites to Amazon’s lineup.
Which, quick math: $11.5B / 24 satellites = $479M per satellite.
And, not to make you do too much math or anything, but…
Andy Jassy’s only yeeted about 200 satellites into orbit so far.
Compare that to the real rocket man, Elon Musk, and his 10k future pieces of space junk and over 9M network users.
In other words, the internet’s #1 online bookstore has some serious catching up to do…
Quick suggestion… maybe stop wasting money and rockets on this kinda sh*t…
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+ Live look at Spirit Airlines after this news dropped…
Merger of the century is loading. Turns out United Airlines $UAL ( ▼ 3.01% ) CEO Scott Kirby pitched a yuge tent potential deal to Donny Dealmaker at a White House meeting in February. A merger with *drumroll* American Airlines $AAL ( ▲ 0.33% ).
And I know what Spirit’s you’re thinking… “wait, that’s illegal.” And it was, back when Spirit wanted to do it, but now, it’s still probably impossible. Friendly reminder that the “Big 4” airlines already control 70% of the market. United claims around 16.7%, and American owns 17.4% market share at the moment.
Still, American shares jumped over 8%, and United was +2% on the news.
+ PPI jumped 0.5% in March but stayed below estimates of a 1.1% increase. Oh, and the core edition of PPI was up only 0.1%, which, not bad…
But before you armchair economists get too excited, annual PPI hit 4%. Spoiler: that’s the biggest gain since February of 2023.
So what’s a Fed to do? Put a silver spoon in charge, apparently…
Turns out incoming Fed Chair Kevin Warsh is one of those types of guys that make AOC furious. According to required Fed nom filings, Kev is worth at least $135M. That makes him the wealthiest Fed chair of all time, by a decent margin (if Tommy Tillis would get out of the way…)
Oh, and don’t forget Kev also married well. Wifey Jane Lauder (as in Estee…) is worth around $1.9B.
+ Feel like these negotiations would go better with ring card girls…
But anyway, Round 2 of Iran negotiations are underway in the works. Donny Diplomacy reported that continued talks “could be happening over the next two days” in Islamabad.
Meanwhile, absolutely zero traffic is making its way through the Strait now, thanks to the US blockade. Which is a good thing now, for some reason…
F*ck it, I’m opening up The Water Coolest’s playbook
I’ve been running TWC for nearly a decade.
And I’m finally pulling together all of my thoughts about creating killer newsletter content and building an audience the right way.
If you’re a serious newsletter operator (think: head of content, editor, CMO, creator), consider this your cheat sheet.
Every Thursday, I’ll send an email with playbooks and war stories from nearly a decade in the newsletter trenches. No filter, just like TWC.
> JPMorgan tops estimates on Wall Street results, Dimon flags 'increasingly complex' economic risks (CNBC) // Jamie Dimon has predicted 17 of the last 2 black swan events.
> Disney bloodbath as new CEO announces 1,000 job cuts in brutal email to employees (NY Post) // As promised, there’s a great big, beautiful tomorrow…
> Oracle jumps for a second day, Bloom Energy soars 23% on AI data center power deal (CNBC) // I guess yuge, heartless layoffs really do work.
> Anthropic co-founder confirms the company briefed the Trump administration on Mythos (TechCrunch) // And then they ordered McDonald’s?
> Prediction markets will grow to $1 trillion by 2030, Bernstein estimates (CNBC) // Has anyone noticed prediction markets and BNPL debt are directly correlated?
> So everything’s fine…
Yesterday, I asked, “What’s the longest you’ve been in the friend zone?”
33.9% of you said, “Never.” But “years” was a close 2nd, so…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Years (oof): “It’s been since HS (I’m 32 now). We did go on a date in our mid 20s (make outs only) but never motor boated that beautiful rack. Anyway, now she has a serious bf and continues to maintain some real hooters…” Never lose hope.
Never: “You're gonna die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you're gonna die. So you might as well live, right? Friend zone… deuces I’m out.” Thanks for the reminder.
Years (oof): “When they tell you they're a lesbian you should probably take their word for it.” Solid advice.
Months: “We were both dating other people…well she was engaged…then, well, we weren’t! Still going strong 7 years later!” Is this Jim from The Office?
Years (oof): “I chased after my wife for many years before she said yes. 24 years later I feel like I am back in the friend zone.” Well, that’s depressing.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Where are you on the satellite internet adoption bell curve?
+ US stocks “extended a rally Tuesday on a combination of cooler-than-expected US wholesale price gains and retreating oil prices, amid optimism that talks to end the war between US and Iran may resume.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “dropped on Tuesday following a softer-than-expected producer price index reading and as oil prices declined amid the latest developments in the Middle East.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices dropped on Tuesday on hopes Iran will resume talks with the U.S. and Israel to end the conflict that has shut the Strait of Hormuz, one of the world’s major waterways for transporting crude and refined products.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 28% chance that Iran agrees to unrestricted shipping through the Strait of Hormuz this month. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ JPMorgan Chase, Johnson & Johnson, BlackRock, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, and CarMax reported before the opening bell
+ The March Producer Price Index report dropped
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ ASML, Bank of America, Morgan Stanley, Progressive Corp., and PNC report before the bell
+ The Federal Reserve will release its Beige Book Report
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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