McMakeover

High school dropouts who were just getting the hang of “do you want fries with that?” are about to have their world turned upside down…

McDonald’s is rolling out new burgers. This is not a drill, ladies and gentlemen.

The company has reportedly been working on revamping #45’s favorite meal for 7 years. Mostly because it kinda sucks in its current form. And partially because other chains were applying pressure. Like Five Guys, which has worked to increase speed and efficiency in addition to having a superior product.

So, what kind of changes can you expect?

Well, there are going to be more than 50 modifications, which is kinda concerning if I’m being totally honest. But here are the highlights…

• Six patties will be grilled at a time instead of eight… and I swear to God, if this makes my wait time even 1 second longer when I’m jonesin for a Quarter Pounder with Cheese at 2:15 AM…

• Big Macs are getting more sauce… which you could have just asked for

• Sesame seeds will be more randomly scattered on buns… to trick you into thinking they aren’t overly processed bread-like products

• Onions are going to be rehydrated to increase juiciness *throws up in mouth a little*

• Produce will be stored in smaller containers so it is refreshed more often, and norovirus has to be big mad…

The good news is you can expect the new burgers in your local McDonald’s by early next year.

The bad news? It’ll probably cost you like $16.

Shares of MCD were up about half a percent on the day.